


I Won't Let Go

by TheQueen (NotTheQueen)



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Alpha!LOki, Alpha!Steve, Alpha/Beta/Omega verse, Angst with a Happy Ending, Beta!Clint, Beta!Natasha, Bonded Pairs, Brief suicidal thoughts, Bucky Barnes Needs a Hug, F/M, Heartbreak, If You Squint - Freeform, Loki Wasn't The Bad Guy, M/M, Omega!Bucky, Poor peggy doesn't have a chance, Post-Serum Steve Rogers, Pre-Serum Steve Rogers, Smut, Steve Rogers Needs a Hug, Steve and Bucky have it tough, World War II, fuck hydra, omega!Tony, poorly written smut, tony's a dick
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-09
Updated: 2016-10-09
Packaged: 2018-08-20 08:47:43
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 31,293
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8243414
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NotTheQueen/pseuds/TheQueen
Summary: They heard the good stories and they heard the horror stories, of people who lost their mates and were driven to madness. The tale goes that when one loses a mate, especially in a bonded Alpha and Omega pairing where the connection is strongest, the mated slowly declines themselves. Their lives are ones of pain and suffering, forever left with the hole in their chest that was once filled with their bond.Steve knew that he wanted it. The good, the bad, the ugly. He wanted a mate, somebody to call his. Somebody to protect and somebody to protect him.AKA the story where Steve nearly goes mad after losing Bucky.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> There are scenes and lines in here that I took from the cinematic universe. I do not claim them as mine, I simply used them to boost my story. I repeat, there are scenes in this that are NOT mine and do not belong to me.  
> The first scene is poorly written smut. Sorry not sorry.  
> Explanations on bonded pairs is in the end notes.

Steve met Bucky in primary school. They quickly became inseparable and it was always Bucky and Steve, there was never one without the other

They’d been told stories when they were children. Stories of bonds that connected two people; when it flourished, the bond strengthened the pair and established an equilibrium. The connection that pulsed between mates allowed for the barest trace of communication that allowed for the sharing of emotions, but the light sparked by the bonding would be always present.

They heard the good stories and they heard the horror stories; the stories of people who lost their mates and were driven to madness. The tale goes that when one loses a mate, especially bonds with the strongest connections, the mate that remains living slowly declines in health and emotional stability. They live the remainder of their lives in pain and wallow in their suffering, left with the ache in their chest that serves as a constant reminder of their loss.

Steve knew that he wanted it. The good, the bad, the ugly. He wanted a mate, somebody to call his; somebody to protect and somebody to protect him.

 

They find themselves sprawled across the small space of Steve’s mattress in the sticky heat of the summer. The intense temperature of Brooklyn summers causes the sheet to stick to their overheated flesh and Bucky brushes at them halfheartedly.

The sheets pool at both Bucky and Steve’s waists, the material feeling rough upon the Omega’s overheated and sensitive flesh. While it’s not Bucky’s first heat, the overwhelming, hormone driven urges remain the same. They're both seventeen and Bucky has always dreaded reaching the age where it is expected of him to take a mate. It doesn't seem like Bucky will have to dread that any longer.

Bucky was eleven when he presented as an Omega, much to the surprise of those who knew him. He's built like an Alpha and his sharp tongue reminds many of the Alpha they were certain he would be.

At age twelve, Steve presented as an Alpha and it seemed like everyone in Brooklyn heard. Everyone thought Steve would remain unbonded and everyone expressed their pity. Steve’s medical struggles leave much to be desired and, to many, made him an undesirable Alpha for bonding. Bucky has always had the opposite opinion.

Bucky’s much larger form is plastered against Steve’s side, still desperate for contact. The Omega’s fingers shift against Steve’s side, trailing across the all too pale flesh. He'll  always concerned by the ability to feel the sharp outline of the Alpha’s bones, which his fingers trace now. Bucky has seen Steve throughout some of his worst moments of illness, and he is constantly tormented by the idea of losing his best friend; his mate.

‘Mate,’ the term catches Bucky off guard. He's not surprised at the turn of events, but he'll be the first to admit he wishes they had waited the nine months until they are both of age. Bucky is left with six months before he meets the required age and Steve with nine. Despite this, he knows he'll never be disappointed with the decision he had made. As Bucky’s fingers shift across the flesh of Steve’s side, his thoughts drift to the development of their bond.

 

“Fuck, Steve, please. Please,” the words had left the Omega’s lips as a plea. The fire burning beneath his skin was insatiable and he'd been desperate for relief. He knows the heat clouded his thoughts and judgement, driving him into the bed of his best friend. He knew it was wrong, but he couldn't stop himself. He needed Steve and he’d let nothing stop him.

This heat had been aggressive and entirely unexpected and despite Bucky acknowleding it would pass within the following couple of days, he couldn't prevent himself from following his urges. Once Bucky was mated, he knew the heats would halt unless they were induced and he wanted that already. Bucky could only think of Steve and the Alpha’s abilities to ease his hurt and the fire pushing him towards the edge of what felt like insanity.

Later, Bucky would be incapable of recalling how he had managed to end up at Steve's door. One moment he was sprawled across his own mattress, his fingers clawing at sensitive flesh, and the next he was standing outside of Steve’s apartment. ‘I shouldn’t be here,’ Bucky thought, but he knew he couldn't leave now.

Bucky let himself into the apartment, grateful for Sarah's shift at the hospital. Bucky hadn't heeded any warnings sounding in his head. The Omega wasn't surprised to see Steve standing in the doorway, as if moving to greet his company. The expression he wore was one of shock, intensifying as Bucky moved hastily across the room to bury his face in the curve of Steve’s neck.

Within moments, he had drawn Steve's body flush against his own, taking the initiative when he realized that the Alpha wouldn't. Just the slightest touch from Steve was enough to begin to ease the fire beneath his flesh and the cloudiness in his head. Bucky knew it still wasn't enough.

It didn’t take long for Steve understand what was happening. Bucky had come to him in his heat. They'd never considered the option before and it left Steve breathless and reeling. Bucky had chosen him, how could he deny that?

Afterwards, Steve would know his acceptance was a product of hormones and a deep rooted desire. He’d regret being so willing to comply, so willing to break custom. He’d regret not being the Alpha his mother expected him to be as he took advantage of an Omega caught in the throes of a heat.

If Bucky had been in his sound mind, he would have been flushed with embarrassment at the idea of his desperation to present to the Alpha.  Bucky and Steve were alone, and Bucky knew it was wrong, they both did. He knew it was wrong to express his devotion to Steve. It may have been wrong, but Bucky was desperate as he sought release from the fire beneath his skin and he knew Steve was the release he needed.

“Stevie, please,” Bucky begged unashamed, struggling to find his words.

“I’ve got you, Buck,” Steve had stated confidently and the Omega had never doubted that. If he had to trust anyone, it would be without a doubt Steve. The Alpha understood Bucky in ways that no one else would ever be able to.

A whine had sounded from the Omega as Steve had forced Bucky’s face from his scenting. Bucky was quickly soothed by the pressure of Steve’s lips upon his. It was soft and tentative, and through his heat induced haze, Bucky realized that this was Steve’s only experience. It left Bucky with a feeling of pride. Steve was all his, just as he should be.

In a whirl of moments Bucky was unable to comprehend, the duo had managed to end up atop of Steve’s mattress. Bucky’s fingers were intertwined in the blonde male’s hair, desperately attempting to draw the other impossibly closer. It was a strange feeling, Steve’s hands upon his body, but it was definitely not unwelcome.

“Please,” Bucky whispered, his groin thrust upwards to rut against Steve’s. The feeling of the material upon Bucky’s skin was nearly too much for him to bear. The Omega began the removal of his clothing, seeking relief, his fingers tearing through the material.

Steve’s fingers had wound around Bucky’s, halting the male’s movements. “I’ve got you, Buck. I’m here.” The words offered slight reassurance, allowing Steve the time to lightly brush his lips against Bucky’s before nimble fingers set to easing the Omega’s discomfort by removing the coarse material of his clothing.

Bucky’s face pressed into the curve of Steve’s neck, quick inhales allowing for the Omega to scent the Alpha and ground himself. God, he needed this. He wanted this.

Steve’s fingers forced the material of Bucky’s shirt from his shoulders at the same time he Omega’s teeth lightly nipped at the flesh of Steve’s bonding gland. Steve’s breath had stuttered, nearly incapable of maintaining his composure as the sensation pulsed through his body, alighting his nerves. “Buck, wait,” It took all of the Alpha’s self control to separate himself from the Omega. “We need to do this properly. We can’t just.. We can’t.” Steve had his limits and he was unwilling to cross the line into bonding territory, at least he thought he was.

A high pitched whine left Bucky’s lips as he rolls his groin against Steve’s in a desperate attempt to seek friction. He’d grown impatient, unwilling to listen to the Alpha.

“Fuck me, or I’ll find someone else, so help me, Steve.” The words left Bucky’s lips on a growl and immediately had the intended effect. Steve’s pupils dilated and his lips curved backwards in a silent snarl. It was uncommon for Steve to react in such a manner and it excited Bucky to know that he was the cause of Steve’s reaction.

The Alpha surged forward, his lips crashing with Bucky’s in a kiss that was more teeth than tongue. It was  as feral as Steve could give him, as he gave into the instincts to establish Bucky as his. Even so, Steve had no intention of harming the Omega. While bruising, it drew nothing but sounds of pleasure from Bucky.

Steve’s clothing, and the rest of Bucky’s,  was quickly shed, assisted by Bucky who was just as desperate. A moment was taken to appreciate the form of the Omega before a whine of desperation breaks the Alpha from his thoughts. “I’ve got you, Buck,” Steve repeats quietly, lips brushing a lingering kiss against Bucky’s before he shifted to retrieve the container of lubricant and a condom from the bedside drawer. If Bucky were focused, he would have seen the sheepish expression on Steve’s face. Steve never thought he’d make use of the supplies, but he’d always deemed it to be better safe than sorry and he was pleased of the planning now.

As if on instinct, Bucky’s thighs parted, his knees drawn toward his chest as he tried desperately to draw Steve’s attention. As his breath hitched, Steve’s eyes focus upon the Omega. What Bucky was offering was everything Steve had wanted.

Steve shifted to settle between Bucky’s thighs, his eyes flickered upwards to connect with the hazed eyes of the Omega. “Buck, you sure you want this? You gotta tell me you do or else we can’t. You need to tell me.”

Bucky released a noise of complete frustration, not understanding the hesitation of the Alpha. He'd presented himself and Steve still questions him. Even in his flustered state, Bucky acknowledged it as a sign of Steve's character, aware that not many others would have resisted.

“Fuck, Steve, I want this. I want you. Always. Please.” The words were forced out as Bucky attempted to focus on something other than the fire beneath this skin and the aching erection flagging against his stomach.

“Okay, Buck, okay.” Steve expelled a breath to calm himself. He never thought his first would be with Buck, who was everything Steve could ever desired. Steve had known for years that Bucky was the one he wanted. He was certain Bucky was aware, but neither of them had ever recognized it as Bucky had made it clear Steve wasn't the one he desired.

Steve quickly coated his fingers in the lubricant, rolling his fingers together to eliminate the initial chill. Despite the slick Omegas in heat produce, Steve was not willing to risk making the experience painful for either of them. It wasn’t how Steve would want Bucky to remember their time together.

A single finger circled the rim before pressing inside of Bucky. The movement caused the Omega to release a gasp before his hips ground downwards seeking more. “Please, Steve, please,” Bucky had begged, desperate as his hands shifted to curl against Steve’s shoulders.

It didn’t take much more encouragement for Steve to add a second finger. When Steve’s fingers crooked, he found the bundle of nerves which made Bucky see stars and release a series of whimpers. The Omega's hands shifted to grip almost painfully at Steve's shoulders as he fought to ground himself.

After the addition of the third finer, Bucky’s head was thrown backwards, his cheeks flushed and his breathing labored. “Please, Stevie, please. I can take it. Don’t make me wait, please.” The fact that the Omega had taken to begging was proof of his desperation.

Bucky knew it wasn’t just the heat talking. He had wound up on Steve’s doorstep because Steve was the only one Bucky had deemed worthy as he knew he wouldn't make it through another heat. For years, the Omega had found himself desperate for Steve’s attention. He’d wanted him in anyway possible, yet he found himself chasing everyone other than Steve. It was an act to protect himself from rejection, but if he had paid attention, he would have seen it only hurt the one he cared for.

It’s all the encouragement Steve needed. Deft fingers trembled slightly as they rolled a condom over his erect cock. As Steve shifted to linger over Bucky, his hips shifted on the own accord to rock against the curve of Bucky’s ass. Steve’s head had bowed, peppering light kisses across Bucky’s temple. “You sure, Buck?”

A groan had left Bucky’s lips, as he arched upwards and moaned, “Please, Stevie. I’ve never.. I’ve never been so sure. Please.” Steve noted that the words were more coherent than he anticipated, which drove him forward.

Steve’s hand secured the base of his cock, guiding it forward until the head pressed easily against the Omega’s prepared entrance. A slight movement had the head of Steve’s cock pressed inside the Omega. It was enough to draw a throaty breath from the Alpha as he struggled to hold still, offering a brief time of adjustment.

Bucky’s legs had shifted to secure around Steve’s waist, using the grip to force his heels into Steve’s back and force the Alpha forward. “C’mon, more, Steve. More.”

A roll of Steve’s hips had an inch cock sheathed by the tight warmth of the Omega, drawing a groan from both. Bucky was unsatisfied, taking to begging once more, “Steve, more. Fuck, I can take it. I can take it.”

The words were enough  to have Steve thrusting forward, leaving him fully seated and gasping for breath. “Oh, fuck.” The resulting burn for the Omega was not unwelcome as he reveled in the feeling of being filled with Steve's cock.  The result had Bucky’s fingers digging into the flesh of Steve's shoulders as his lips parted to release a whine of pleasure.

Bucky practically mewled beneath him, his fingers clawing at the expanse of Steve’s back. When his head cleared, Bucky would be worry he'd been nearly capable of causing Steve injury, but now he can’t think of anything other than his own pleasure and removing the fire from beneath his flesh.

“I’ve got you, Bucky,” Steve had muttered throatily, his face buried in the Omega’s throat, unconsciously scenting the male. The words were followed by a roll of Steve’s hip, drawing a gasp from the Omega. Steve's lips lightly brushed against Bucky's shoulder before forcing himself to withdraw.

A particularly angled thrust of Steve’s hips found the compliant male’s prostate, drawing a strangled sob of pleasure from Bucky. The movement of Steve’s hips was unrelenting, leaving Bucky clinging desperately to the smaller male. “I want you, Steve,” Bucky had pleaded, unsure of what he was asking for.

“You’ve got me, Bucky. I’m right here,” Steve’s words had been followed by a harsh thrust of his hips as if to prove his point.

“More. I want.. I need more.. Mark me, please, Steve. Please, make me your’s. I'll be good to you. Please.”

It was a clear sign of submission, leaving Steve both amazed and startled. The idea Bucky presented was more than desirable. To mark Bucky as his own, to make him Steve’s Omega. It’s nearly too much to bear. It was everything that Steve had been wanting, but he can’t. Right?

“You can’t. We can’t, Buck. We can’t. It's the heat talking,” Steve had pleaded, both to the rational sense of his mind and to the desperate Omega beneath him.

“We can, Stevie. Please, I want you. I want this. Please, I need it,” The words are nearly a sob, pleading. Bucky desperately attempted to grind down upon Steve, alerting the Alpha that his movements had stopped. With a renewed vigor, Steve’s hips ground his cock relentlessly into the mewling Omega, who demanded everything Steve was willing to give.

They were both close, Steve was aware. Bucky’s muscles clenching around Steve’s cock as his thrusts became slightly erratic. Bucky’s back arched off the mattress and his eyes fluttered closed as Steve’s hand secured around the Omega’s erect cock. Steve’s fingers kept time with his thrusts, alternating between his thumb circling the swollen, red tip and slow, firm strokes.

Between the feeling of Steve’s hands on his cock and the constant pressure against his prostate, it is not long before Bucky was coming blind, his vision whiting. He was conscious of the fact that his neck had shifted, his bonding gland on display for Steve.

As Bucky’s muscles clenched around Steve, the Alpha’s hips stuttered forward, his fingers grasped desperately at the sheets before spurts of come spill into the condom shortly following. A groan passed Bucky’s lips as his body thrums with pleasure and Steve released a the choked sound of Bucky's name.

As if on instinct, Steve’s head had elevated and his teeth had sunk into flesh Bucky had presented, directly over his bonding gland and the Omega nearly howled as he drew Steve impossibly closer. He had just been claimed, in more ways than one. Nothing could make him feel any better.

 

They are both silent, laying side by side as they both reel from the events of the afternoon. The bonding had completely eased the symptoms of the heat, leaving Bucky feeling content as he rests against Steve's side. Omegas that have been mated only fall into heat when it is induced, leaving Bucky with a sense of relief. His thoughts are circling around returning the marking, finding himself reluctant initiate the bond.

Steve is incapable of keeping his fingers from tracing the area around the place he had marked. It's a symbol that Bucky is his, but he worries that Bucky will regret the decision he had made. It’s not one that they had discussed prior and no matter how Steve had desired it, he had taken Bucky when it was not an appropriate time. Steve fears his behavior is excusable and he hurriedly attempts to find a means to ratify the situation. He can’t lose Bucky because of his own selfishness and hormone driven actions.

Unshed tears prick the back of Steve's eyelids at the idea of losing Bucky. Steve's hand elevates to massage his face, managing to jolt the Omega slightly. Even Bucky's sleepy sound of complaint isn't enough to draw a smile upon Steve's face.

“You know, it’s not an official bond until you reciprocate, right? We can find a way around this. It might be difficult, but we’ll figure it out,” Steve’s words break the silence, pulling Bucky from his own thoughts concerning the bonding. Steve’s clearly giving Bucky an out, despite the Alpha praying he won't accept.

The thought alone disgusts Steve. What kind of Alpha is he? To claim an Omega while in heat is to become a social outcast; it’s to take advantage as Omegas are driven purely by instinct and hormones, willing to agree to anything to find relief.

The Omega’s head elevated before he quickly untangles himself from the Alpha. His movements are hasty as he draws in on himself, shoulders hunching. He’s never been by emotion, but he'd put himself forward and now rejection is a distinct possibility. Bucky's elbow accidentally collides roughly with Steve's shoulder as he moves towards the edge of the mattress. “Do you not..” Bucky has to pause before continuing, “Do you not want this?”

“Jesus, Buck,” Steve states, his head shaking slightly. The Alpha pinches the bridge of his nose, stating, “I’ve always wanted this, but that’s not the point. I took your choice away. You weren’t in your clear mind and I took the choice away. I’m just sayin’.”

“No. No ‘just sayin’, okay? Because if you don’t want this, than be an Alpha enough to fucking tell me. Don’t you dare pin it on me, Steve. I knew what I wanted when I asked for it. That hasn't changed” His words are concluded with the attempt to rise from the bed. He needs distance, despite instinct telling him to stay. Bucky’s thoughts circle around the idea of rejection, causing his chest to seize in panic. God, he’d wanted this so badly and only moments before he’d felt so content and at peace.

Bucky’s fingers secure around his pants from the edge of the bed, intending to rise and force them on. He could fully wash at home. Bucky’s just needs distance.

Steve’s fingers wrap around Bucky’s wrist, effectively halting his movements. “Where are you goin’, Buck? You can’t mark me if you leave.” It’s just that simple to Steve.

Bucky’s eyes flicker upwards towards Steve, seeking for signs of pity or judgement. “You want this? Don’t just do this because you’re thinkin’ it’s right or some shit. I’m not gonna be stuck with you if this is some feeling of obligation.”

Steve’s arms have shifted to draw Bucky in, his lips pressing against the mating bite on the Omega’s flesh. “If I didn’t want this, would I be askin’ for it?” Steve expresses the thought as if playfully, but both are aware how serious a topic it is. “I’m with you ‘till the end of the line, Buck. I’ll always want this.”

That enough for Bucky to shift, his face burrowing in the Alpha’s shoulder. It’s nearly too good to be true, and Bucky fears he dreaming as he allows his teeth to sink into the flesh of Steve’s shoulder, in the exact place Steve had placed his marking. The two are momentarily overwhelmed by the development of the bond between them, basking in each other’s embrace. They both accept there will be complications, but they know that together, they can face them all .

 

(Brooklyn 1943)

Steve is settled upon the fire escape outside his and Bucky’s shared apartment. His legs hang over the side, swaying slightly as Steve stares across at the building before him. There’s a ball of nerves in the pit of his stomach that makes his stomach turn, making him feel as if he’ll be sick.

“Stevie?” The Alpha hears as Bucky enters their apartment, seeking out his Alpha. Despite the knowledge, Steve makes no move to alert his mate of his location. If Bucky desires to find him, he will have to seek Steve out.

“Steve,” Bucky offers slowly as he steps onto the fire escape not a minute later. It doesn’t surprise Steve he is found so quickly as there are few places to hide in their small, one bedroom apartment.

As Steve focuses his gaze forward, he takes a moment to relish in the scent of his mate. For some time, there has been a growing distance between the two, the reason being unmentionable. When the United States entered the War, Steve had known it would only be a matter of time before he lost Bucky.

Immediately after the news broke, Bucky had spent time with Steve training, as the Alpha insisted there would be no way Bucky could leave without him. Steve needed to be there with Bucky when he was on the battlefield, it would be the only way he would know his mate would be safe.

“Steve,” Bucky attempts again. Steve knows the pain in his gut stems from the idea of losing Bucky without the opportunity to show of their relationship. Many know of the relations between the two, but there has never been any acknowledgement. The love between the two has always been behind closed doors; it started due to the consent laws and circumstances of their bond, but continued when Steve demanded he was unwilling to allow Bucky to accept the reputation that would come with loving him. Steve is the first to admit that he is the last Alpha an Omega would desire.

“What, Buck?” Steve snaps, his words harsher than he intended for them to be. He doesn’t intend to be harsh, but Steve’s fear easily takes the form of anger.

Steve startles as a palm is pressed against his shoulder, forcing Steve’s attention to be drawn to his mate as he relaxes into the touch. It’s instinct and it immediately begins to ease the ache.

“I got my orders today,” Bucky states solemnly, drawing Steve’s attention to him. They both knew the day was going to come. They both know Omega are slowly becoming increasingly welcome in all areas of society. As the war wages, the United States military had begun actively recruiting Omegas for service and active combat.

Steve’s eyes remain focused on the skyline, wishing desperately for this not to be his reality. They can’t be split. It’s not uncommon for bonded pairs to join the military together as bonded pairs are encouraged in the military. They serve as the greatest teams, strategic and skillful as both rally to protect one another.

However, with Steve’s rejection weighing heavily upon his shoulders, he won’t be joining Bucky upon the field. It leaves him with a sense of dread. Who will be there to watch Bucky's back? Will someone else take Steve’s place? How is he supposed to be a decent Alpha if he is incapable of caring for his mate?

The questions swirl in Steve’s mind, leaving him startled when he feels a hand settled upon his thigh. “Steve, please. Talk to me.” The words are spoken softly and are heavy with emotion, sounding as if Bucky’s biting back a cry, conveying a sense of longing and desperation. They both know, it’s physically painful to be brushed aside by a mate mate.

Immediately, Steve shifts to  thread his fingers with the hand that rests upon his thigh. “When do you leave, Buck?”

“We ship out for basic on Monday,” Bucky states the words carefully, as if waiting for an outburst. He’s tentative and Steve has never wished for his mate to treat him with such caution.

It’s Saturday evening, leaving Steve with one full day with Bucky before he leaves. Despite the ache in his chest and the knots in his stomach, Steve knows he must cast aside his reservations and care for the fearful Omega. No matter how bright eyed and brave Bucky appears to be, Steve knows there is a root of fear that he keeps well hidden.

“We’ve got some time. Might as well give you something to remember me by, huh?” The words are intended to sound playful, but they seem to get the exact opposite response.

“Stevie, don’t. I love you, punk. There’s no forgetting you.” Bucky’s words are followed by his arm securing around Steve’s shoulders, drawing him into an embrace. “But you know I’d never say no to that either.”

Steve releases a soft huff of laughter, his eyes rolling at the antics of his mate. Bucky has always been better at relieving the stress and tension from situations. Steve rests against Bucky’s side, whose head lists to the side to allow the Alpha to nose at his neck.

Rising from his seated position, Steve starts towards the window, calling over his shoulder, “C’mon, jerk. The window closes in ten and I’d hate to have to leave you out here all night.” Immediately, Bucky rises to his feet and moves to crowd Steve through the window. It will definitely prove to be an interesting way to leave things.

The next morning is tougher than the night before, as Bucky stands before the doorway with a bag at his feet. Steve lingers on the opposite side of the apartment, his eyes sad and a slight quiver to his lips. It’s the opposite of how things should be. Steve knows he should be the strong one, but he's always been driven by emotion where Bucky has been reserved.

They’re both aware that Steve is not capable of leaving Bucky at the train station. Steve's fearful of being forgotten, despite that being physically impossible because of the bond mark on Bucky’s shoulder; Bucky’s fearful that the bitter air would cause Steve to catch a chill. It’s the opposite of how mated pairs should be, but somehow it still manages to work for them.

“Stevie, it’ll only be a couple of weeks. Before you know it, I’ll be back from training.” Bucky abandons his belongings to move across the floor space. His palms settle flatly on the Alpha’s cheeks, tilting his head upwards Bucky presses his lips to Steve in a brief kiss. “Don’t forget, you got my ma, Steve. If you need anything, you go see her. Promise me, Steve,” The words are desperate, as instinct presses that Bucky to protect his mate. The idea of separation is already nearly too much for both of them.

They both know that Steve is the one who will have to force Bucky to leave. A soft breath is exhaled before their lips collide in an embrace that lingers. Steve’s fingers stroke across the bonding mark above the material of Bucky’s shoulder as he states, “I promise, I’ll go see your ma. We’ll be alright, Buck. You worry about you and you catch that train. They won’t wait on you, Private Barnes.”

Bucky managed to untangle himself from Steve, but walking away from Steve is the hardest thing he’s ever done, especially after hearing the sorrowful whimper as the door latches shut. He knows this isn’t the way it should be, but what other option do they have? Bucky forces himself to shake his head and move forward.

 

It’s been fifteen weeks since Bucky left and each day proved to be a greater struggle. There has been minimal contact between the mated pair, offered only the basic treatments as their relationship has not been acknowledged.

During week seven, Steve’s breath had become raspy and he found it nearly impossible to breathe. For two days, he had lingered in bed alone, his body aching and crying out softly for the mate that couldn't come. That was how Winifred had found Steve. Bucky’s mother had taken it upon herself to check upon Steve when he had missed their dinner the night before without alerting the family.

The Beta had nearly been incapable of containing her hysteria. She knew of the bond between the two men, but chose never to acknowledge it, fearing she would alienate the pair. While she couldn't offer Steve Bucky, she could offer her own support. A cool cloth had been placed atop the Alpha’s head, the blankets had been adjusted around the young man, and Winifred had placed a shirt on her son’s directly beside the Alpha. 

After inspection, Winifred determines that the illness stems from Steve’s lack of intake of his medicine during Bucky’s leave and manages to administer it.Another four days passed before the fever broke; four days where Winnie prayed that she would not lose the young boy; four days when she never left the small apartment. She knew the loss of Steve would break Bucky and in turn, it would crush her family. On the seventh day of his illness, Steve left the bedroom with a headache and a sniffle. Despite all of their worries, the medicine Steve takes is successful. When Steve saw Winnie sitting at the table, he whispered desperately, “Don’t tell, Bucky.”

Seven weeks later, Steve finds himself in the back alley of a theater, defending the honor of the United States and its soldiers, especially his own. A particularly harsh collision of a fist leaves Steve reeling backwards and collapsing upon concrete. Stumbling back to his feet, Steve hears the other Alpha question, “You just don’t know when to give up, do you?”

Steve’s sharp reply is, “I could do this all day,” before his fist flies forward. It’s easily blocked and a returning assault sends him listing backwards. Steve lingers on the ground for a moment longer this time, pausing as he hears the sound of scuffling feet. Steve’s senses are assaulted with a scent he is incapable of forgetting.

Steve hurriedly stumbles to his feet, desperate to make contact with Bucky after their time apart. “Buck,” Steve whispers, before both surge together to wind their arms around one another in a tight embrace, which immediately eases the pain in his chest. Steve greedily breathes in several lungfuls of Bucky’s scent, face buried in his neck. “Bucky, you’re home.”

It takes minutes for the two to pry themselves apart as Steve's fingers seek the bonding mark upon Bucky's skin. As they part, Steve makes the connection between the Omega’s clothing and appearance. “You got them then? Your orders?”

“The 107th, Sergeant James Barnes. Shipping out for England tomorrow.” The calmness in which Bucky says it causes Steve’s hackles to rise. His head tilts in a nod as his attention shifts to straighten his own clothing.

It’s calming to have his mate present, but to Steve, the knowledge that he won’t be there long, it's bittersweet. He’s been deprived so long already, the ache of the missing mate nearly enough to crush. However, Steve knew Bucky would come back after basic training. Now, Steve has choice but to believe that Bucky will come back from the war.

It’s clear from the expression upon Bucky’s face that he wants to say something more, but Steve brushes him off with a shake of his head. The Alpha begins the walk from the alleyway, questioning in an attempt to distract him, “You seen your ma?”

 “I came to find you first. I figured we could see her together.” Steve nods his head, clearly listening, only to have his heart ache at the next line. “I figured we could go out tonight. Have some fun before I leave tomorrow. I might even have found us some lucky ladies. What’dya say, Stevie?”

Steve glances incredulously at his mate, his eyebrows raised. They’ve been apart for fifteen weeks and he wants to spend the time out. Not just out, but out on dates with people other than each other. It takes nearly all of Steve’s control to allow the Alpha to tilts his head in a nod. “Sure, Buck.”

Later that evening, Steve is nearly sick at the sight of the two betas (Connie and Bonnie, he thinks) beneath both arms of his mate. It causes Steve’s stomach to turn. Bucky’s putting distance between them and it hurts in a way he can't explain. Every instincts tell him to force the Betas away from his mate, whose touch he has been deprived of, and claim Bucky as his own.

As everyone’s attention remains fixed upon Howard Stark’s latest invention, Steve manages to slip from the crowd and wanders in the direction of the enlisting office. Steve lingers in the alcove of the enlistment office, eyes focusing upon pairs as they walk past; there are some wearing their greens and he’s envious.

Steve’s attention is focused on a poster hanging before him, but he is aware that Bucky is approaching from his left. “This again?” Steve hears, only then turning his head to actually look at his mate. The first time he’d done it that evening.

“Buck, I need to do this. Why can’t you understand? You’re leaving and there’s nothing I can do here. You expect me to sit around and twiddle my thumbs while you’re out there risking your life? You know I can’t do that, Buck.” Steve’s words are spit at the Omega, his head shaking angrily as he refuses to back down.

“Steve, there’s plenty to do back here. You can do things here without being stupid about it,” Bucky growls, his expression turning to a sneer and his anger is visible.

Steve’s head shakes slightly sadly, his eyes flickering back to the poster he was previously observing. He wishes he could give Bucky the normal evening he desires, but he knows he can't. “I’m sorry, Buck, but I have to. I can’t sit around and do nothing while people are dying, Bucky. While you could be dying over there without me!” Steve’s frustration is clear. ‘Why can’t he understand?’ Steve silently questions, suddenly furious.

Bucky’s head shakes sadly, his eyes flickering from Steve to the poster. “I didn’t think you’d do this tonight, Steve. I guess I just expected too much.”

The words are a blow and Steve’s reply is interrupted by the Betas from the double date attempting to get Bucky’s attention, requesting that they go dancing. Bucky is silently pleading as his eyes focus upon Steve, begging him leave with him.

Steve’s pride is already wounded from the way Bucky had eagerly accepted the touch of the women and that eases his guilt as he states, “You go on, Bucky. Have fun.” It’s all Steve can offer his mate beneath the weight of his struggle. It goes against everything Steve knows to allow Bucky to leave. He knows he’s not being the Alpha he should be, but he needs to do this.

Bucky’s head tilts in a nod, his expression devastated as he takes a step back, yet he’s forced to appear unaffected. “Don’t do stupid while I’m gone.” It holds an edge of affection and is  enough to have Steve second guessing.

However, Steve knows he can't give in, so he states, “I couldn’t. You’re taking all the stupid with you.” With that, Bucky turns and walks back to the Betas waiting. With some luck, Steve might see his mate once more before he leaves but Steve’s never had great luck before.

Steve’s seated inside a cubicle of the fair when he’s offered an opportunity, given to him by Dr. Abraham Erskine. To him, Steve will forever be grateful. When he asks Steve’s meaning for entering the war, Steve states that he wants to join the fight against the ‘bullies’. Erskine is capable of seeing, that while truthful, there is more to Steve’s desire.

“There is someone you care for, yes? Is this your way to protect them?”

There is no judgement in the question, prompting Steve to answer honestly. “Yes, he’s.. He’s leaving tomorrow. It’s for him, but I also can’t sit by and watch other people die for a country that is mine just as much as it is theirs. I can’t.”

Steve’s answer proves to be acceptable as Dr. Erskine draws back the curtain of the cubicle and gestures for Steve to follow him from the space. “I can offer you a chance. Only a chance,” the scientist offers, but it is more than Steve has been expecting to hear.

“I’ll take it,” the Alpha states immediately, his head tilting in a nod.

It’s mere days before Steve has donned his gear and is in the formation at the Camp Lehigh. The formation falls silent at the Beta before them; she is a thing of beauty in her grace and air of power. Steve finds her to be remarkable. She's a female Beta who rose into a position of power and she stands for everything Steve believes in.

The training is grueling, leaving Steve with more bruises than he cares to count and many moments where he feels nearly incapable of catching his breath. The gaping hole in his chest is only eased by the fact that there’s a chance he’ll see Bucky in the end. Every night, Steve’s fingers brush across the surface of a worn photograph, taken when Bucky was just seventeen and staring into the camera with a wide smile on his face. Steve hopes Bucky has something to remember Steve by.

There is nothing Steve regrets more in life than letting Bucky go with the feeling of Steve's rejection weighing heavily between them. The thought of getting the opportunity to apologize and beg for forgiveness drives Steve in his training. The jeers of the recruits and the intense demands are nothing when they meet Steve’s determination.

He's in a state of numbness when he is being transported to the facilities where he is to be subjected to the serum. Sitting in the vehicle beside Agent Carter, Steve finds himself rattling off information, attempting to distract himself from the fear curling in the pit of his stomach.

The Beta’s face is slightly amused as she states, “You have no idea how to talk to a woman, do you?”

Steve releases a soft huff of amusement before stating, “I have no idea how to talk to anyone other than Buck.”

The admission catches the attention of the female, her brows furrowing in confusion before it seems the meaning is accepted. “ I see,” Agent Carter states, her head bowing in a nod and for once, Steve thinks someone might actually understand.

“And where is he?” Agent Carter asks, her expression curious.

“Italy, I believe, ma’am. The 107th. Sergeant James Barnes,” Steve states, his chest puffing slightly with pride. His mate, his Bucky, has done well.

Agent Carter tilts her head in a nod and before her gaze shifts out the window. For a brief moment, Steve catches a hint of fondness and something like sadness upon her beautiful features.

(Italy, 1943)

It’s months before Steve finds the meaning for why he accepted the serum. With the hope he would eventually reach Bucky, Steve has dutifully served the part of the government’s show monkey, willing to accept anything.

Steve is tucked away on the outskirts of the stage in a camp in Italy, his head buried in his sketch. He’s intent on remembering the details of Bucky’s face, the feeling of his skin, the brush of his lips.

Steve is startled by the sound of Peggy’s voice when she speaks from behind him. Their conversation is brief before Steve finds the basis for her argument. She hints at the devastating casualties in a battle, but finally states, “Steve, these are the remaining men from the 107th regiment.”

Steve’s breath has caught in his throat, eyes staring blankly at Peggy for a moment. She knows of Steve’s relationship with Bucky, and she knows his status in the military. She knows something he doesn't and that's the only reason she would be telling him this. “No,” Steve mutters before lunging to his feet and nearly sprinting in the direction of the central tent.

Upon arrival, Steve stalks towards Colonel Phillips. “I need the casualty list from Azzano.” ‘God, please don’t let Bucky be on it. Please,’ Steve begs silently, already feeling a clench in his chest he is incapable of explaining.

The colonel’s indifference sets Steve’s teeth on edge, yet he is forced to remain calm. When his greatest concern is met, Steve’s attention immediately shifts elsewhere. Bucky can’t be dead, the bond would alert him of that. The Alpha is frustrated at the idea of the lack of plans to secure the captured men, leaving Steve with the knowledge that it is his turn to act should anything be done.

Steve does not linger for the incoming offering of an apology. The Alpha hurriedly stalks from the tent, moving in the direction of his tent. Ironic for the 'Man with a plan', but Steve is without a plan, but he is aware of one thing; the desperate need to seek out his mate. It’s his job to protect Bucky and thus far, he’s failed.

“Steve, wait,” The words are spoken by Peggy, who’s following closely behind him. Nonetheless, Steve ignores the woman and moves past the flaps of the tent. “Steven,” the posh British tone demands, successfully drawing Steve’s attention to where she stands.

“Are you intending to walk there yourself? Do you even know what you’re up against?” The Beta demands, her palms shifting to rest upon her hips.

“I don’t care, Peggy. They’ve got Bucky, I can’t just sit here and wait when I know he’s alive. I  know he’s alive Peggy.” Steve leaves little room for argument, instead considering the material he will need in his journey. “I just need you to cover for me, okay? That’s all I’m asking.”

“I can do better than that.”

When Steve’s feet land upon the ground behind enemy lines, the only thing he is capable of thinking of what how he needs Bucky. If his mate isn’t breathing when Steve finds him, the Alpha is unsure of what he would do.

The approach of a vehicle attracts Steve’s attention and the male begins to sprint forward, aware that it is may be his only chance at gaining entrance to the building.

Steve spirals, allowing for instinct to consume him which leaves him more desperate to find his mate. It feels like an eternity as Steve sprints down a corridor in search of Bucky. ‘I’ll find him,’ Steve thinks to himself. He’ll find him, he has to.

From a door several hundred meters from him, Steve spots a man exit a room. “Hey,” Steve shouts angrily, his pace increasing as he attempts to reach the man before he can vanish. The man’s attempt would have been futile, but Steve pauses at the doorway that the man had just left. It appears to be a laboratory and immediately sparks Steve’s interest. This could be the isolation unit.

As soon as Steve enters the room, he is met with the mutterings of a person, one who sounds barely lucid. Steve knows immediately that it’s Bucky.

Steve’s steps hurry forward in an attempt to spot, before halting in his movements. There he lies, bloody and beaten, strapped to a table and incapable of moving. Bucky lies still, his eyes staring directly ahead as he whispers his serial number and name repeatedly.

“Jesus, Buck,” Steve mutters, his voice heavy with emotion. Bolting forward, the Alpha begins to paw hastily at the straps forcing Bucky to rest against the table top. It’s mere moments before Steve is aiding Bucky from the table, but, again, it feels like an eternity.

“I’m here, Buck,” Steve attempts to reassure before stating accusingly, “I thought you were dead.”

If they were not in such a severe situation, Steve would have found Bucky’s reaction comical. “I thought you were smaller.”

Steve’s face is buried into the curve of Bucky’s neck, forcing the now smaller male to his chest. “I’ll explain later, but we’ve got to go now.”

It’s difficult to drag himself from his mate, especially when he is clinging, but Steve knows they need to depart. ‘C’mon, Buck.”

To say they got out of the factory without incident would be telling a lie, but Steve is relieved that they made it out at all. At one point, Bucky had pulled them to a stop, winded and wincing. “Wait, Steve,” The Omega mutters, his arms circling around the Captain and burying  his face in Steve’s neck, attempting to find the energy to carry on.

Steve had nearly had to drag Bucky’s limp body from the wreckage of the building, fighting desperately to remove both himself and his mate from the danger of the situation. The one thought circling in his head is the pleasure of having Bucky secure in his arms.

The travel to the base is difficult. With hundreds of wounded and starved soldiers, their movement is slow and the best Steve can offer is the idea of the security of the base they seek. With a promise that tomorrow they will reach the haven, the men secure themselves for another night of fitful rest as Steve attempts make peace with Bucky.

It is with Bucky that Steve finds his greatest struggle; as soon as Bucky had gotten over the shock of seeing Steve, he had begun to distance himself. Bucky’s eyes peer across Steve’s form, his brow furrowing in confusion. His hand will occasionally extend forward as if to touch Steve before being jerked backwards. It causes Steve’s gut to clench painfully, noting his mate's fear to touch him when that's all he craves.

“Buck,” Steve offers tentatively, settling across the warmth of the fire from his mate. It takes all of his willpower to remain where he sits, instead of shifting to comfort the obviously distressed Omega. He cannot even fathom what Bucky had gone through, but Steve feels as if he’s being pushed aside.

Bucky releases a noise of acknowledgement before he mutters something lowly beneath his breath. Steve’s brows furrow as he is unable to catch the words. “You want to try that again, Buck?” Steve’s words are playfully, attempting to lighten the tense atmosphere.

“What the fuck did you do, Steve? That’s what I said,” Bucky bites out harshly, automatically drawing the tentative smile off of Steve’s face. It's something Steve knows Bucky will feel apologetic for later, but Steve can see the questions upon his face, ‘What has Steve done? Where did his Stevie go?’

At first, Bucky hadn’t been certain that the solid mass keeping him upright had been Steve. The scent, of musk and lemon, was clearly Steve, but the man carrying him looked nothing like his Alpha. It leaves Bucky mildly fearful, if he’s to tell the truth.

“Buck,” Steve breathes and Bucky is capable of seeing the hurt written across the Alpha’s face, but there is little he can do before he knows the consequences of Steve’s choices.

When Steve sees he will get nowhere with his mate, he begins to offer him a condensed version of the story. “The night before you left, when I went to the recruiting fair, remember?” Steve’s facial expression shifts in a grimace, aware that his apology for his rejection has been left unsaid.

“I met a Omega named Abraham Erskine. He was a scientist and had created a serum to create a new breed of super-soldiers. That man we saw back there, that was Johann Schmidt. He was Dr. Erskine’s first attempt and I was his second.”

“Clearly went better for you,” Bucky butts in, and it draws a startled laugh from Steve. As Steve looks across at his mate, he sees a shadow of a smile upon Bucky’s face, a sight he has missed. It’s a start.

“It definitely did. I went through weeks worth of training. It was terrible but in the end Schmidt gave me a chance. The serum worked better than anyone had predicted. My medical problems are nonexistent and I’m clearly no longer 5’4” and ninety pounds.” Steve admits, feeling the weight of his nerves.

Bucky looks like he’s contemplating whether to believe the tale before he questions, “What are the consequences? You can’t tell me there’ll be no negatives, Stevie.”

Steve’s shoulders arch in a shrug. “Other than being a dancing monkey for a while, I haven’t seen anything yet. Buck, I took a chance to be able to find you, to be with you. I won’t apologize for that, no matter how you feel.”

A huff of laughter leaves Bucky’s lips at that. “I wouldn’t expect anything less from you, punk. Now c’mere. I’d like to sleep before sunrise.”

The next day, as promised, they arrive at the base. Almost immediately, the returning men are surrounded. At Steve’s side, Bucky’s a soothing presence throughout it all. Steve is sure that his mate will be forevermore traumatized by his experiences, but he is grateful to be there to offer his aid and protection.

Steve moves forward through the crowd until he stands directly before Colonel Phillips, offering the superior a salute. “Sir, some of these men need medical attention. I would like to surrender myself for disciplinary action.”

Steve is distracted from the Colonel’s response by the stiffening of the Omega beside him. It is clear that Bucky is uneasy at the idea of ‘disciplinary action’ and Steve prays that the male won’t put argument forward on his behalf.

Before Steve’s attention is returned to him, the Colonel has moved from him and Peggy is standing before him. There’s a soft smile upon her face as she focuses her eyes upon the soldier. “You’re late,” the Beta states, her voice heavy with emotion and her eyes clouded.

Steve can feel that Bucky is still tense at his side, his eyes flickering between Steve and Peggy, but there is little Steve can do with the regiment staring on. It’s habit to hide their relationship and Steve hasn’t broken it yet. For that reason, Steve pulls the destroyed calling device from his pocket. “Couldn’t call my ride.”

Suddenly, there is a voice to Steve’s left, “Hey, let’s hear it for Captain America.” It’s Bucky’s, Steve knows immediately, but his thoughts are drown out by the cheers of men all around him. Steve is aware of the movement at his side. Bucky has shifted to move from Steve’s side, using the crowd as a distraction, and Steve is incapable of catching him.

Steve’s eyes flicker from Peggy to Bucky’s retreating back. His expression must be desperate as Peggy’s eyes follow his stare and her hand shifts to rest upon his shoulder, almost atop of his bonding mark. “Go on. I’ll handle things for now.”

When Steve turns to face her, he notes that her expression is guarded and her voice lacks emotion. Nonetheless, Steve’s head shifts in a grateful nod before moving to follow in Bucky’s footsteps.

Steve finds he has a more difficult time escaping the crowd than Bucky. There are many moments where he must pause to accept a handshake or an expression of gratitude. Steve releases a breath of relief as he manages to move from the overwhelming crowd.

“Buck?” Steve’s voice can scarcely be heard over the exuberance of the people behind him. Steve’s eyes survey the grounds before him. He's uncertain of the direction his mate has taken, causing him to move forward uncertainly. He’s been moving for no longer than a minute before he is forced to pause at the sound of retching from his left. ‘Shit,’ the Captain thinks to himself before pausing his search for his mate to check on the individual.

Steve rounds a tent to find Bucky hunched over on the outskirts, a hand pressed firmly against his stomach. It takes mere moments for Steve to fall to his knees beside his mate, his hand shifting to sooth across Bucky’s back. It sparks a deep hurt when Steve feels Bucky shy away from his touch.

“Bucky,” Steve whispers helplessly, staring at the Omega.

The back of Bucky’s hand wipes hurriedly across his mouth before he is straightening and quickly striding away from Steve. “Bucky, wait,” Steve demands, an authoritative tone in his voice and it draws Bucky to a stop instantly. Steve knows the Omega will be less than pleased, but he’s desperate to find the meaning of the distance. “Please, Buck.”

“Who the fuck is she, Steve?” Bucky releases on a growl, whirling to face his mate and Steve can see the fury in the other’s eyes. There’s fear and pain and sorrow, and Steve knows the anger is a cover for it all. The Omega is worried he’s been replaced so easily; he fears that one of the consequences of the serum is losing Steve to another.

“Peggy?” Steve questions, brows furrowing in confusion. Bucky should know that Steve’s interaction with Peggy had been innocent, right? Because it was innocent. “Buck, she’s a friend. That’s all. She’s helped me through everything. She knows I’m here looking for you; she knows everything, Buck.”

If Steve had hoped that would ease his mate’s concern, he was wrong. Bucky’s expression shifts to a sneer, biting out, “If she’s helped you through everything, you might want to go get her help with removing your head from your ass.” With that, Bucky turns upon his heel and continues on his path. He’s uncertain where he’s going, but anywhere away from Steve is best from now. It feels as if it will kill him to walk away from his mate after the trauma he's endured, but Bucky knows he’ll regret what he will do if he stays near Steve. The sight of the Beta so blatantly pining after Steve caused Bucky spiral into a pit of jealousy. He’s barely allowed to make contact with his mate, yet the Beta is capable of blatantly offering herself to him.

Steve is prevented from following Bucky by a hand upon his arm. His attention turns to the Omega preventing him from following after his mate, his lips nearly curling in a snarl. The private’s hands shift in surrender, stating, “Sorry, Cap, but Colonel Phillips is asking for you.”

Steve pauses briefly, turning his attention back to where Bucky had previously stood. He’s long gone and there’s no sense in going after him now, so Steve tilts his head in a nod before moving to follow after the Private as he leads Steve through the maze of the camp to the Colonel.

It’s hours before Steve is able to depart from the central tent to seek out Bucky. Dusk has fallen and Steve is aware this is his last chance of finding Bucky before the soldiers turn in for bed and he is lost for the night. It makes him all the more desperate.

Each individual Steve passes, he asks the same question, “Have you seen Sergeant Barnes?” Enough requests leads Steve to a group settled around the blaze of a fire. They all seem to hear Steve’s approach, causing the single Alpha in the group to rise.

The male extends forward a hand as he states, “Cap, the name Lieutenant Dungan. Most call me Dum-Dum, sure ain’t flatterin’ but it’s mine. It’s a honor to meet you, Cap.”

Steve’s hand automatically clasps the other Alpha’s, stating distractedly, “Pleasure to meet you, Sergeant. Thank you for your service.” It’s clear to all the men around the fire that Steve’s attention is on one person, and it isn’t Dum-Dum.

“Sergeant Barnes, can I talk to you?” Steve requests lowly after Dum-Dum had reclaimed his seat. The group looks at each other uneasily as Bucky pauses, staring intently at Steve. After a moment, Bucky tilts his head in a nod and rises, gesturing for Steve to lead the way. Steve is aware of the other Alpha offers Bucky his aid, like he truly believes Steve would hurt his mate. Its then Steve remembers that his bond with Bucky is unknown and the Alpha can only sense the Omega’s distress and the Steve’s frustrations.

Steve’s footsteps lead Bucky in the direction of his tent, not pausing for the other to catch up. Steve quickly ducks between the flaps of his tent, his fingers automatically shifting to remove the material of his suit. His muscles feel stiff and his body aches, leaving Steve with the desire to simply rest with Bucky curled safely into his side. He's missed having Bucky at his side.

Steve can sense when the Omega enters the tent and he can feel the tension radiating between them. It doesn’t stop Steve from removing the material from his shoulders, only pausing when he hears the bite of Bucky’s cruelly intended words, “Won’t your dame be pissed you're showing it off to someone else?”

Steve exhales a heavy breath, his eyes clenching closed for a brief moment. Purposely keeping his back to Bucky, Steve answers stiffly, “She’s not my girl, Buck. I told you before, she knows about us. She’s my friend.”

“Yeah, well none of my friends look they wanna fuck me, Steve.”

It’s so absurd that Steve is incapable of preventing a laugh from escaping his lips. When Steve turns to look at his mate, he sees that he’s only managed to infuriate his mate more. Steve’s head shakes briefly before he takes the few steps to stand before Bucky and grasps his arm to draw him into his embrace.

Bucky struggles meekly, ending when his face is pressed into the curve of Steve’s neck. He stiffens out of reflex when Steve’s fingers cox the material of his shirt from his shoulder, but relaxes when he feels the other’s lips ghost across the outline of his bonding mark. It’s enough to make Bucky submit and releases his fight. It’s a cruel trick, but it works in Steve’s favor.

Later, when they’re lying beside each other on Steve’s cot, Bucky’s body draped across Steve’s, he states as his fingers draw across Steve’s shoulder, “I get it, ya know. She’s your friend, but I don’t think she feels so platonic, Steve. I saw the way she looked at you.”

Steve opens his mouth to respond, but pauses when Bucky continues, “I think you should use that to our advantage. We can’t let ‘em know about us, Stevie, or they’ll split us. Some mated pairs made a mess of things a while back, before we were taken, and now they’re splitting everyone ‘till the end of the war.”

Steve’s shocked, he’ll admit that. Again, before he has a chance to vocalize his thoughts, “Don’t get me wrong, I ain’t gonna like it. It’s like before when I had to pretend to be interested in the dames back home. I’m not saying to go and bed her, that part's just for me, but if you pretended you were friendly with her, I’d have to be alright with that.”

His fingers beginning to draw circles across Bucky’s back, Steve considers the option. He’s certain Peggy would understand, but would it put strain upon his bond with Bucky if Steve were to give his attention to another? Steve know’s Bucky’s right however, they can’t be split up again.

“Once we get home, we’re not hiding anymore, Buck,” Steve states, a promise as his lips brush across the top of Bucky’s head.

 

Afterwards, there is little time for Bucky and Steve to consider their bonding. The days are spent planning for the next attack and their nights spent lying in piles of exhaustion, never working up the energy to do more than half hearted handjobs.

Bucky follows Steve into battle and saves his life more times than he can count. To say that they would be better off apart would have been terribly wrong. Perhaps men around the camp knew of their bonding from they way they interacted, but the bonded pair finds they don’t care, too focused on the well being of the other. Their fellow soldiers are made aware of truth their suspicions on a particular day after an attempt to destroy a Hydra base is nearly unsuccessful.

Bucky’s palms settle against Steve’s shoulders, using his force to shove the surprised soldier back a step in his frustration. They pay little attention to the other soldiers staring around them. “How stupid are you, Steve? How stupid? You nearly got your stupid ass killed and for what? For what, Steve?” Bucky roars, his lips curling to show his canines.

“It’s my job, Bucky. For god’s sake, do you expect me to tuck my tail and run every time things look rough? That’s not how we do things. When have we ever ran from a fight?” Steve’s words are a snarl, infuriated by the Omega before him, a fury that only Bucky is capable of sparking.

“We run when the fight shows we sure as hell ain't winning. And what about me, Steve? What about me? Huh? Did you even pause to think about that? Jesus, I thought you weren’t going to make it out in time. What the hell would have happened if you were in there when the building blew? What would have happened to me?” The words, which had begun in anger, slowly switch to a soft whisper.

Just like that, Steve’s anger dissolves as he realizes that they’ve found the root of the problem; Bucky’s fear. Bucky’s fearful and Steve can understand, several sleepless resting on his shoulders as evidence. Taking a step forward, Steve draws his mate into his embrace and his palm resting over the Omega’s bonding mark, “Buck, I’m sorry, alright? I’ll be more careful, I promise.”

By the time the pair part from the embrace, the surrounding soldiers have already melted away, leaving the mates without any idea that they have exposed themselves.

Everything is fine between them until the day it isn’t. The Howling Commandos are aware that it’s risky; the attempt to secure Zola is a risk. The movement of the train adds to the complications, leaving the men with just a sliver of a window to go about this correctly. 

Steve’s the first to land upon the roof of the train, aware that Bucky makes contact directly behind him. There’s a knot forming in the pit of the Alpha’s stomach, but he shrugs it off as nerves. It’s acceptable to have a twinge of anxiety in such an intense situation.

Steve’s feet collide with the rungs of the ladder and the two manage to maneuver inside the compartment of the train with little issue. Their footsteps are near silent, Steve moving forward with Bucky covering his back. As soon as Steve steps foot into the second compartment, he realizes his mistake. He’s allowed for himself to be separated from Bucky and his suspicions are confirmed by the door sliding into place behind him.

Steve’s breath catches in his throat as he watches through the sliver of a window as Bucky’s back turns to him and he begins firing his weapon throughout the compartment. Steve is distracted by the sound of heavy footsteps behind him and the following pulse of a Hydra weapon.

With seconds to spare, Steve jolts to the left to avoid the blow intended to strike him down. Steve’s near desperate to reunite himself with Bucky, adrenaline causing the Alpha to jolt forward and launch an attack against the soldier before him. He’s never been more grateful for the shield in his hands.

When Steve rejoins Bucky, he takes stalk of the injuries the male has. Steve is incapable of hiding his amusement when Bucky states confidently, “I had him on the ropes.”

It’s the next moment when things go wrong. Steve hears the echo of the Hydra weapon behind him, immediately shifting to cover Bucky. There’s a sudden blast, sending both Bucky and Steve spiraling backwards and creates a gap in the side of the train.

Before Steve is capable of stopping him, Bucky has scrambled to his feet with the shield in his grasp. He rises against the Hydra agent and is blown backwards by the following blast, sending him spiral out the hole in the side of the train.

“No!” Steve growls viciously and within seconds, Steve is capable of disarming the agent. Immediately, Steve jolts forwards to the gap in the side of the train compartment, desperately seeking out his mate. There is little Steve can think of, simply acting on pure instinct. ‘Bucky,’ Steve chants mentally, attempting to find a way to focus his thoughts

Steve spots the Omega clinging to a metal rod attached to the side of the train, struggling as his grip begins to slip. “Bucky, hold on,” Steve commands as he begins to maneuver himself along the edge of the train.

All too sudden but it happens slowly in Steve's eyes. It’s as if the metal bar is pried from the side of the train compartment in slow motion. Before his eyes, Steve watches as his mate plummets towards the snow covered ridges. Steve can hear the panicked scream of his mate as he falls, leaving Steve incapable of breathing.

Steve is preparing to follow him over the edge when fingers curl into the material covering his shoulders and forcibly drag him into the train compartment. The Alpha fights viciously, his nails scraping desperately against the arms that hold him as his body thrashes. His mate had just fallen before him. What are they doing? He needs to get to him. Steve needs to help him.

“He’s gone, Cap. He’s gone,” A voice echos, just barely managing to break into Steve’s thoughts.

“No, no,” Steve mutters repeatedly, his brain numb as he’s incapable of processing the scene. There’s a numbness in his chest that he can’t explain and Steve seeks desperately to find the spark that connects him to Bucky; to find the light that is their bond. No matter how Steve looks, there is nothing.

“No,” Steve howls, before his body collapses into what can only be described as a wave of distraught sobs. He’s overcome with emotions and his body shakes with his grief. The man holding him is overcome with emotion himself as he maintains his grip on the distraught Alpha. There is nothing more tragic or painful than the loss of a mate. “No,” Steve whispers between each hiccup of his sobs.

Steve isn’t certain how he’s managed to find his way to the medical tent on the base, but he’s there. The time between Bucky’s fall and when Peggy appear, the Alpha has descended into a state of shock, refusing to accept the loss.

“Steve, I’m so sorry,” Peggy states softly, her hand extending forward to rest upon Steve’s arm. The Alpha jolts backwards. It’s wrong, everything is wrong. She shouldn’t be touching him, Bucky should. Bucky should be here with him; Steve should be with Bucky. Why couldn’t Steve be with Bucky? Where’s Bucky? Did Steve do something wrong? Is Bucky alright? They’re all question Steve blurts out hastily, his eyes darting around the medical tent in an attempt to find his mate.

Steve isn’t able to comprehend the look of pain upon Peggy’s face as his eyes cloud with emotion. The raw ache in Steve’s chest leaves him desperate, causing him to jolt upwards from the cot he rests on.

Steve stumbles from the medical tent. He knows that if he goes back to his own tent, Bucky will be there, complaining about the cold without Steve next to him. The Alpha’s movements are hasty and sloppy. As he travels the distance, not a single soul crosses his path. News has spread and the entire camp prepares to watch the beloved Captain mourn his loss.

Steve bursts into his resting quarters, his eyes searching the space desperately. “Buck? Buck, where are you? This isn’t funny, you jerk,” Steve states, his tone uncertain. “Bucky, please,” Steve mutters, only to crumple when he’s still met with no response.

“Bucky,” Steve releases on a sob, his body collapsing to rest atop the cot they had shared. Steve’s fingers curl into the material of a blanket, drawing it to his nose to breath in the scent of his mate. It has the opposite effect of what Steve desires; instead of easing the overwhelming emotions, it only makes the pain that much more unbearable.

Steve is only aware of the other presence in the tent when he hears a soft voice mutter, “Steve.” He’s incapable of raising his face from the blanket, instead muttering weakly for the other to exit.

When the person remains, Steve raises his head and releases on a growl, “Get out.” The second word elevates in volume until it is nearly a shout, desperate to cling to the idea that Bucky will return. He has to because Steve needs him.

From that point forward, Steve’s attacks on Hydra are brutal. There is no way he is capable of controlling his rage when these are the mens who took his mate from him. These are the men who’ve brought such misery into his life. Steve’s moves are reckless, often causing him to be reprimanded, but Steve finds that he’s incapable of caring. Bucky’s dead, what does he have left? Steve has nothing to return home to, so he struggles to find purpose. It will forever weigh upon Steve’s conscience, because how could he carry on, when he had let Bucky go so easily?

Steve finds it’s nearly a relief when he’s aboard the jet, settle before the control panel. It’s over, Steve is knows. The people who took everything away from him have met their punishment, he has made certain of that.

Steve speaks over the radio, intended to inform the base of the course of his actions. Steve isn’t expecting to hear Peggy’s voice cut over the line. Steve can hear the desperation in her tone, ever over the rattle of the wind and the static of the radio.

“Peggy, this is my choice,” Steve states after some debate between the two. His fingers extract a watch from his pocket. Steve’s fingers slip open the watch and he settles it upon the dash so he can glance at the picture of Bucky when he was just seventeen and carefree.

Steve’s burly hands force the throttle forward, angling the jet in the direction of the ice.  He knows he owes Peggy for all she’s done, so Steve states, “I’m sorry, Peggy. You deserve someone better. You deserve someone to love you and someone to give you the dance you've always wanted. Find someone to love you because you deserve that.”

It’s the last thing he can force himself to say before his thoughts are consumed by Bucky. Maybe if there’s a Heaven, they’ll be reunited.There’s no one who deserves such a place more than Bucky.

 

(New York, ….)

The first thing Steve is aware of his the ache in his chest. It’s the ache that reminds him of his loss; it reminds him off the loss of Bucky, which will forever prove to incapacitate him. There will be no length of time where the ache will lessen and there is without a doubt Steve will remain forevermore without another at his side as no one could ever compare to Bucky. The pain is overwhelming, forcing the Alpha to pause for a moment to gather his bearings and overcoming the emotions, even if it is only slightly.

The second thing that Steve is aware of is the static of a radio reciting a ball game, the words spoken with excitement. When he gives the announcers his attention, Steve’s chest begins to constrict in panic. It’s impossible; Steve knows it to be because he had been at the game the sports announcers are speaking of.

Steve’s distracted by the entrance of a female Omega, something he recognizes as a strategic move. Omegas are capable of having a calming effect on Alphas, especially those who are in high levels of distress. If Steve is anything, he's distressed. The woman appears familiar, much like one of the nurses his mother had worked with, but there’s something off and Steve is uncertain of placing it.

“Where am I?” He questions immediately, his fingers gripping the bed frame desperately.

“You’re in a recovery room in New York City,” the Omega states kindly, a faint smile gracing her lips despite the lie Steve is aware she is telling.

The sound of the game momentarily catches his attention, fueling his demands for truthful answers. When his request is met with another response of feigned misunderstanding, Steve’s head shakes. “The game. It’s from May 1941. I know because I was there.” It’s then that the Omega’s facial expression shifts to concern.

It’s all Steve needs to see before he’s desperate for his escape. He needs to be out of the room, out of confinement, away of the lies.

The door to the chamber is opened and men enter the room. Threatened, Steve’s instinct is to fight, sending both of the men hurling through the wall of the room, allowing himself the ability to make a hasty departure.

Steve’s desperate to leave the location, his footsteps heavy as he sprints down the length of the corridor and forces his way from the main entrance of the building. Steve’s feet lead him into the middle of a street, where noises blare around him. Again, instinct has Steve running.

The Alpha doesn’t pause in his desperation to escape until he finds himself in the middle of a sea of people, surrounded by buildings he’s certainly never seen before. He looks around desperately, attempting to seek out something that will make an ounce of sense to him.  He finds nothing. Steve’s driven by the idea of finding Bucky.

His moment of hesitation allows for a circle of vehicles to surround him, making Steve’s hackles rise. He’d rather not be required to use force, but if that is the hand he’s dealt then so be it..

There is a man behind Steve, his voice loud, despite the blare of the noise around him. Steve pivots upon his heel, seeking to locate the burly man, who after brief consideration Steve is aware is an Alpha. One of the male’s eyes are covered by a black piece of leather, but otherwise his appearance is unremarkable. However, he is finally the one to give Steve his answers.

When the Alpha states, “You’ve been asleep, Cap. For almost seventy years,” Steve is forced to pause. Seventy years? The force of the words nearly takes Steve’s breath away.

Steve’s eyes search the surrounding area, his chest heaving as he attempts to focus on something to help him understand. To understand what the seventy years had changes, but maybe more so, what has stayed the same.

When Steve is asked if he’ll be alright, he grits his teeth and bites out a confirmation. He wonders if he will ever be alright without Bucky at his side. In the presence of another, Steve knows he'll be fine. He’ll figure out a way, he has to.

If Steve were to say that adjusting to the twenty-first century is easy, he’d be lying. The changes in technology are enough to give the man a headache and the fast pace of the world leaves Steve reeling. Often times, the Alpha finds himself focusing intently upon reading, using it as a means to discover the changes in the world while also closing himself away from it.

When Steve found that Peggy Carter is alive, he lets out a breath of relief. She’s the one thing that he knows. He finds solace in the idea that he’s not alone in his suffering, acknowledging that there is someone else who know what exactly Steve is living without.

Even still, Steve is haunted by his mate. In his dreams, Bucky’s there, begging for Steve to save him before he plummets from Steve’s grasp. Steve wakes up breathless, his heart hammering in his chest and tears upon his cheeks. He learns quickly that sleep is not his friend.

Steve doesn’t hold his bond with Bucky as a secret because of shame, he holds it because there is little anyone can do for him now to ease his suffering and he detests the idea of people looking upon him with pity. Bucky is Steve’s and Steve’s alone. If he hadn’t shared him before, he has no intention of sharing him now.

Steve often finds himself using the facilities of the gym, using the physical strain to reduce his own frustrations. The terrors that plague his sleep are the driving force behind each strike; the echo of Bucky’s scream of horror isn’t eased with Steve’s desire for self-destruction. Maybe nothing will ease that.

There’s one night where a voice cuts through Steve’s thoughts and he’s unsurprised to see Fury standing on the opposite side of the room. When he is chastised for the manner in which he spends his time, Steve finds himself bristling. The words are bitten out when Steve state, “When I went under, the world was at war. They say we won. They didn’t say what we lost.” There’s a note of pain in Steve’s voice as he considers what the world had lost: Bucky.

The file that is extended towards him contains information that causes Steve’s heart to seize; the tesseract, which Hydra had manipulated into forming a weapon. The very cube has the power to destroy the world as they know it, and the people around him seem to know very little of the power of the cube and it’s consequences.

Steve’s questions are clear, demanding information before he is willing to commit to offering his aid. Perhaps Steve has begun thinking like Buck, the thought is enough to cause his chest to restrict.

This is the first time Steve hears the name Loki, and he is unaware that it will offer him a deep connection to one of the only people Steve has met who understands the pain of losing a mate.

 

Steve is settled in a seat upon what he has been told is a quinjet, the resemblance to an airplane is null but he is aware that it is used for similar means. Steve is uncertain if he’ll ever grow accustomed to the modern culture and developments.

His attention is fixated upon the StarkPad in his hands, which he has slowly come to be familiar with. It’s useful, allowing the soldier endless information with just a few taps of his fingers Steve wishes they had this back in the forties.

The Alpha’s eyes flicker towards the agent transporting him to the SHIELD base, Coulson, Steve believes his name is. His words leave Steve stumped, uncertain of the references the man makes, and he is aware that confusion is written across his facial features. It’s yet another thing that Steve adds to his mental compilation as to research, which is necessary as there are so many things Steve is uncertain of,

Steve’s amused when he rises from his position and turns his back to the Beta in order to prevent the male from seeing the barest trace of a smile upon his lips. It’s the first genuine smile Steve has worn since he awoke, but he is careful not to make the man feel as if it is at his expense.

Briefly, he wonders when the last time he smiled was. He knows exactly when; the day of Bucky’s death when he was accused of forcing his mate into the mission to repay him for the time in Conny when Bucky forced Steve to ride the cyclone.

When Agent Coulson’s attention is drawn to the landing, Steve takes a moment to organize his thoughts. It’s an attempt to prepare himself for what he will see when he steps foot from the confines of the jet. Steve’s aware the with advanced weaponry, the military has changed, but he is uncertain if he is prepared to see the extent of that change. ‘Little too late now, Stevie,’ Steve can practically hear Bucky chiding him.

When the door to the jet lowers, Steve exhales heavily before following the agent from the confinement of the jet. The roar of the base is near deafening, drawing Steve’s attention to each of the stations around him. It isn’t long before a redheaded Beta, who is certainly the most terrifying Beta Steve has ever seen, is commandeering his attention, leaving Steve with little option but to follow in her footsteps as she speaks fondly of Agent Coulson.

When the Beta, who introduced herself by the name of Natasha, leads Steve forward, he recognizes the figure from files he had read on the jet. “Dr. Banner,” Steve address the approaching Omega, startling at the idea that something so small and timid can turn into something so large and violent.

Steve begins to feel his stomach turn lurch he feels the ground beneath his feet shifts and the base begins to rise. He never had the stomach to deal well with boats, but he hadn’t wished for this change. Immediately, Steve takes Agent Romanov's advice and allows himself to be guided into the base of the carrier.

The first thing Steve notes when they wander into the main hall of the carrier is the bustle around him. Countless individuals, mostly Beta’s, fill the space, each intent on specific tasks. ‘How nice it must be to have a purpose,’ Steve thinks wistfully, remembering a time when he knew exactly what his was.

As Steve progresses forward upon the bridge, he is aware of the eyes that follow his every move. Rather than addressing the situation, Steve continues forward until he is capable of peering through the shield of windows. The view is breathtaking, overlooking the vast expanse of water below.

Steve’s uncertain of how to conduct himself as Banner is lead in a separate direction. So, Steve lingers on the bridge, his arms folded across his chest as his gaze flickers around the room. It’s nearly overwhelming, and Steve is grateful for the interruption by the Beta from the quinjet.

The request to have his cards signed is just as Natasha had said it would be, and it is enough to nearly draw another smile from the Alpha. The Beta is interrupted, however, by the alert on location of Loki and Steve finds that he is not as surprised as he should be to hear the location to be Germany. It’s fitting that his first mission is to a country he had once fought so vehemently against.

The travels to Europe are far grander than his previous experiences. Steve’s stomach twists in knots, and he is forced to remind himself this is not the war he had lost Bucky in. The circumstances are different. The fight is not the same.

Aboard the quinjet, Steve is aware that he approaches his targeted location. The grief twisting in his gut soon turns to anticipation. Perhaps the adrenaline of a fight is what he needs to coax him from the thralls of his loss. Steve’s never been one to back down from a fight and he thinks that might be exactly what he needs; something to fight for, a purpose.

Steve’s nimble fingers secure a device to his ear, allowing him to speak freely with agents of SHIELD throughout the course of his mission. Already, there is information about the movement of the supposed god and speculation on his motives. Steve knows, however, that one of SHIELD’s own has been taken by the rogue male, leaving agents particularly vulnerable, especially Agent Romanov. Steve had seen the expression she wore when she oversaw the monitors conducting facial recognition search for Agent Barton.

Steve’s fingers thumb through Agent Clint Barton’s file, making note of the skills of the assassin as he attempts to configure what he may be up against. The greatest threat is by far Loki, who has made global threats with the use of the tesseract. Steve has been given little information on the god, other than that he has presented as an Alpha, proving that Steve will  have a difficult fight on his hands.

The other Alpha’s threat to the kneeling crowd weighs heavy in the air, and Steve is careful to time his intrusion as to protect the life of an innocent. The adamantium of the shield absorbs the shock of the blast Loki had sent his way, allowing for Steve to remain standing. The Alpha has never been so grateful for Howard’s charitably in the weaponry he had offered Steve.

Steve’s footsteps lead him in the direction of the god, his movements careful as he shifts through the kneeling crowd. Despite his own collapse, Loki has made his way to his feet and his words are bitter when he speaks. Perhaps it’s in the way that the man carries himself or the bite in his words, Steve is aware that there is something off in the motives of the man; Steve is incapable of placing his finger on the meaning.

Steve hears the rumble of the quinjet before the echo of Agent Romanov’s voice through the speak of the jet. The particular assignment has proven to be personal, as she's driven in an attempt to free Clint. Steve is uncertain of the Beta’s relations with the other agent, but he understands her desperation to retrieve the one she undoubtedly cares for. The last time he was in Europe, Steve made desperate moves to secure the safety of one he loved.

Steve’s body has taken several hard collisions with ground in an attempt to contain the god. He’s proven to be unsuccessful and he fears for the success of the mission until the god is forced from his feet by an shot delivered from over Steve’s shoulder.

Tony Stark, the child of a man Steve had admired, stands before him in a suit of iron. It’s fitting, Steve thinks. Howard’s child would be one to be capable to developing such a weapon. From the little Steve is capable of comprehending, the weaponry of the suit is fixated upon the Alpha, detaining him.

Steve hears the sound of deep exhale from the man beside him as the god’s hands rise in a show of surrender. It’s almost too easy, the surrender of the god.

With little assistance from Steve, Stark steers Loki into the quinjet. Steve offers his aid in securing the Alpha before moving to make discussion with Natasha before departure. Steve pauses when he is aware of Tony’s movements; he is aware that Tony is an Omega approaching their rogue Alpha captive, and he stiffens at the prospect. Steve prepares himself to intervene.

Steve is capable of hearing few words exchanged between the two, or rather the words that Stark speaks in a desperate attempt to get Loki’s attention.

“Lo, listen to me; you need to stop. This insanity, it needs to stop. SHIELD’s not going to stop if you don’t.” The Omega is met with no response as the Alpha’s gaze remains trained forward and his expression is one of neutrality. The Alpha appears as if he has not even heard a word the Omega has offered, clearly uncaring if he had.

Tony exhales heavily before rising to his feet and moves in Steve’s direction. From the expression upon the other male’s face, Steve is aware he is seeking a distraction, even as his gaze continuously flickers towards their prisoner.  Tony’s expression is one that causes Steve’s stomach to twist, because he can understand the grief he sees plainly on Tony’s face.

There is banter between the two as the jet moves throughout the sky. Steve takes note that Stark remains in the secure protection of his suit. He notes that the man’s words are laced with a slight hint of hostility, which Steve is incapable of comprehending.

Steve’s attention is drawn away from his teammate by the development of abrupt development of the storm, the flashes of lightning attracting his attention before his gaze flickers to observe their prisoner. Tony’s attention is already upon the raven haired Alpha, seemingly unsurprised by the look of distaste upon the god’s face.

‘Something’s off there,’ Steve makes a mental note to consider it further later, only to be distracted by the echo of a collision upon the top of the quinjet. The attention of all located upon the jet is attracted to overhead, each wearing an expression of concern.

His brows furrowing in confusion only to be with with the rough sound of the god’s laugh, which lacks any note of amusement. Steve is startled when Tony’s fingers find the controls that lower the hatch of the jet, even more so when a blonde Alpha appears at the base of the ramp.

Despite Tony’s attempt to detain the blonde, he is knocked off his feet and the raven haired god is taken into his grasp before they are thrown backwards from the jet.

“No,” Tony grits out angrily and if one were to pay close enough attention, which Steve is, there’s also a note of desperation and panic in his voice. “Fuck, Loki,” the Omega grits out before he, too, moves to launch himself from the quinjet.

“Tony, wait, we need a plan,” Steve attempts to rationalize, acknowledging that the team is incapable of rushing into the fight without one.

“We don’t need a plan. We need him back or SHIELD will have our asses,” Stark states, like an attempt to defend his actions, before he has disappeared from the base of the jet.

A nose of aggravation passes Steve’s lips before he is forced to depart from the jet. Why he never manages to have luck when it comes to aviators, Steve will never understand.

When the team returns to the SHIELD base, Steve is aware that Loki is paraded throughout the base before forced into the confinement of a glass cell. He is unaware of the original intent of the enclosure, but he is aware that it is now holding a god. Steve merely hopes that it’s capable of actually containing him, but Steve has his doubts after witnessing first hand what the god is capable of.

Steve watches the interaction between Director Fury and the god of Mischief on a small screen in a conference room, providing himself with a moment to attempt to understand the motives of the god.

As if by habit, Steve’s fingers elevates to massage his shoulder, directly atop of the bonding mark. It offers Steve a sense of calm, allowing for him to relax slightly.

Steve hears Tony’s voice before he sees him. The Omega has adorned a pressed suit and carries himself as if he lacks the emotion to care about the circumstances of the god. Steve, however, recalls the man’s bizarre desperation aboard the jet and is aware that is not the case.

The information that Tony offers loses Steve nearly immediately. It reminds Steve of the male’s father, Howard, who provided great service to Steve and the Allies throughout the course of the war.

Tony exudes confidence, but Steve takes the moment of the Omega’s rambling to observe the male. While it may just be Steve’s opinion, it seems as if the male is harboring something, unwilling to provide the information he is playing close to his chest. Steve, having set his mind to the task, knows he will be the one to find it and he already has an inclination it has something to do with the god held in their cell.

The Alpha is nearly disappointed when Howard's son removes himself from the situation before he is capable of speaking to the man. Despite his desire to know the cards Tony is playing, he’d also desperate to see if the male is anything like the man his father was; anything like the man Steve respects.

When the other’s disperse, Steve finds himself moving down the corridor, seeking the lab that Stark had previously been led to. Whether purposeful or not, Steve finds himself moving past the windows peering into the room of which Loki’s cell is held. He finds that he is far from shocked to spy the the genius lingering on the opposite side of the glass from the god. Loki’s attention is fixed elsewhere, even as Tony speaks with his hands moving in a flourish, but it is clear that the god is considering the words the Omega offers.

Steve’s breath catches at the sight of the taunting smile that curves upon the lips of the gods, his mouth moving in a response. It’s enough to have the genius’ shoulders hunch and his head to shake hastily. Tony’s feet backpedal and his movements are hasty to remove himself from the situation.

Steve remains beside the entrance of the room, desiring to question the genius only to pause when he sees the expression upon Ton'y face. It’s one that Steve has seen many times in the mirror; one of longing, desperation, suffering and the pain, the pain of losing a mate. Tony quickly schools his expression and his returns to the facade of confidence when his eyes land upon Steve.

“He’s not willing to say anything,” Tony states harshly, shouldering past Steve as he exits the room.

“Tony,” Steve begins, his voice sympathetic.

“Whatever you think you saw, Rogers, you didn’t. He’s a prisoner with knowledge of science I couldn’t begin to assume. I asked questions, it’s what I do. Loki’s unhinged and needs to be stopped. That’s all there is to this.” Tony’s words are spoken firmly, as if he’s attempting to force himself to believe the words.

There are few dull moments in the following days, leaving Steve with little time to attempt to offer an exchange between himself and Tony that does not turn into a match between the two, especially after the escape of their prisoner. For reasons he originally does not understand, Stark’s animosity towards him leave little room for a friendship to develop. Steve learns quickly, however, the male’s hatred stems from Steve’s relationship with Howard and the impact Steve had on his childhood, and for that the shield wielding hero is apologetic.

New York City has already descended into chaos when the bulk of the Avengers appear in the city. Stark had arrived first, but there has been little interaction between him and the remaining Avengers. A gap in the atmosphere allows for a constant stream of invasion, leaving the quinjet vulnerable and under a constant stream of attack. When the jet has collided with the ground, Steve hastily makes his way from the jet and into the streets.

Steve’s yet to locate Loki and that causes his stomach to twist. Whatever is happening between Loki and Tony, Steve desperately hopes that it won’t allow for the genius’ judgement to be clouded. They'll need him if they’re to come out on top of this.

Natasha and Clint are at his sides with the largest creature Steve has ever bared witness to moves slowly above their heads. The three’s gaze follow the movements in shock, none of three comprehending the sight before them.

Steve’s voice crackles across the communication system, making contact with Tony when a glimmer before him draws the soldier's words to a halt. In mere seconds, Loki stands in a space that was once empty, clad in his armor with his hands elevated in surrender. “Loki,” Steve states, his attention never shifting from the god even he hears Tony’s over the comm, demanding answers to what is occurring.

“Do not shoot, Captain. I come to offer my aid,” the voice of the god is clear, no longer monotone and Steve is capable of seeing the grief in the man’s now clear eyes.

Steve hears the swift sound of Clint knocking an arrow, targeting the god easily. There is animosity between the two, and Steve notes that the god makes little movement to remove himself from the threat of the mortal. “Stand down, Agent Barton,” Steve commands.

His gaze flickers in the direction of the agent when he does not hear the command followed. “Stand down,” Steve states firmly, a command in the tone of the Alpha is directed at the Beta. At once, Clint lowers his bow, his brows pinched in a frown.

When the threat is removed, Loki begins to speak on his own behalf, “I can not promise that I can stop this, but I can offer my aid. I have better knowledge than any on the beasts you are to face. Let me help and I am willing to submit myself for punishment when you have succeeded.”

Steve hears the snort of Clint beside him and he is cautious by the growing silence of the female Beta at his other side. Steve takes it upon himself to be the one to make the choice, his head shifting in a nod. “You’re useful and we’re incapable of turning down any help that is offered. If you turn against us, you will suffer like never before.” After pausing for a moment, Steve states, “Go high. Tony can use aid in the air.” The command is firm, and he is certain to make it clear that the Alpha does not have his trust.

Steve moves with Natasha and Clint in the opposite direction as the form of the god blurs before disappearing completely. Perhaps Loki is truly offering them his aid or perhaps he is not, either way, it doesn’t seem that he is capable of making things any worse, as the situation has hit a severe low. Steve likes to think that the motives for the god are as pure as they seem for the sake of Tony.

The Alpha knows that Clint is still holding onto his anger, radiating with it. Clint appears to be putting it forward in his fight, his attacks brutal.

Steve loses himself in the mindless motions of battle. It’s something he has found he is familiar with. While the tactics and weapons are different, war is still war in the soldier’s mind. He finds it to be a relief when Banner arrives. While they may be severely outnumbered, the addition of the Hulk would increase the chances of victory, Steve is certain.

When Stark rounds the corner with the largest beast on his trail, Steve freezes. The moments pass quickly before each of the Avengers, plus Loki, are forming a circle, each protecting another’s back. For a brief moment, Steve’s attention flickers to where Loki and Tony linger, the god’s palm settling over the mortal’s shoulder, the place where Steve’s own mating mark is located. To each of the heroes standing by, it’s a symbol as the power of the bond surges between the mated pair. Without intention, Stark has informed the team of his bond.

Steve has little time to pay the mated pair any mind, but the little glimpses he catches of the pair remind him of his relationship with Bucky and their times together in the war. It causes Steve’s mark to burn and eyes to prickle with tears left unshed. Clearing his throat, Steve forces himself to be pulled back together; the pieces of himself hastily shoved back into place.

It seems that nearly all hope is lost when the team receives the message from SHIELD. Each of the Avengers is surrounded, even with the aid of Loki, who is uncertain as to how they would be capable ending the struggle. It seems as if there is no end in sight. That’s until Fury announces the movement of the missile into New York.

There is little that the Avengers are able to do when Tony declares that he will take the missile upon himself to be forced through the portal opening. Loki’s constant streams of pleading is all Steve can hear, causing the soldier to pause and offer the god his communications. They all know that Tony won’t return from the hole and they all pity the pleading god.

“Anthony, stop this madness,” Loki stutters, and Steve is aware that the words were originally meant as a command.

When Steve hears Tony’s admission of love, he closes his eyes to prevent himself from being overwhelmed by the pure heartbreak upon the Alpha’s face. They all know what this means, but Loki is incapable of accepting it. “Anthony, please don’t do this,” the Alpha begs, only managing half of his plea before the communications fail.

Each of the Avengers pause at the resounding wail of grief and mourning from the god. Loki’s body slumps and Steve is forced to catch the god before he collapses. The unbearable pain is one Steve understands, the moment causing the Alpha to relive the sight of Bucky’s fall.

Steve is shaken from his thoughts as his hands are roughly removed from their position to support of the god. The soldier’s attention turns to analyze the expression on Loki’s face, momentarily startled by the blankness on the god’s face before noting the anger and sorrow in the man’s eyes. Steve remembers his mother once saying that you can learn a lot about a man by simply looking in his eyes.

The drive of the Avengers increases greatly, inspired by the loss of their own. Loki’s rage fuels his fire, eliminating countless threats with mere flicks of his fingers. When the Chitauri collapse, Steve waits several moments before giving the regretful command to close the portal, horrified that he is forced to abandon the genius on the other side.

“No, he’s out there!” Loki roars, whirling in Steve’s direction and taking several steps forward. “He’s still out there,” Loki’s words are low and threatening. Steve remembers the state of mind Loki is in, the fragility, the anger, the hatred and self-loathing. He understands the god’s pain, yet he is incapable of risking the planet because of his sympathies.

“I’m sorry, Loki,” Steve states sincerely before continuing, “Close the portal.”

Even as the glow of the tesseract fades, all eyes are trained upon the opening, praying for the appearance of the genius. When all hope seems to fade, there’s a startled noise from Loki, drawing all eyes back to the sky. At an alarming rate, the genius falls through the portal and spirals dangerously towards the ground.

Each of the Avengers release a breath of relief before a realization dawns upon them; Tony is stopping nor is he slowing down. “Something’s wrong,” Steve mutters to himself, horrified by the sight before him.

One minute the genius is plummeting towards the earth, the next he is sprawled across the ground to Steve’s left, with his head resting in the God of Mischief's lap. “Anthony, please, please,” Steve can hear Loki whisper desperately, vulnerable and frightened. Steve risks a glance at the others, noting that each wear a similar mask of pity and agony. None of them understand the grief of losing a mate, but they can feel the pain radiating from the god.

Loki’s fingers scratch at the metal of the suit, prying the iron from the body of the genius. A sob startles everyone surrounding the mated pair. No one had thought they would see the god so broken. When Thor moves to take a step closer towards Loki, Steve places a hand upon his arm to prevent the movement. Now is not the time for interference, Steve knows as he shakes his head at the god.

“No, no, no,” Loki whispers, his arms encircling the genius, whose face plate had been removed to display the relaxed face of the male. Loki’s grief is nearly tangible, having only just gotten his mate back only for him to be ripped away once more.

A roar from the Hulk behind Steve startles all surrounding them. The greatest surprise, however, is the gasp for breath from the genius, whose eyes quickly flicker open and immediately shifts in Loki’s hold.

“Anthony,” Loki breathes, a soft sob passing his lips as his head bows to press his forehead against the cheek of his mate.

“Lo,” Tony mutters, his expression shifting in pain as an ironclad hand shifts to cradle the back of the god’s head.

Steve’s attention fades as he hears the god cursing the genius for his stupidity, losing himself in the overwhelming memories he has fought so hard to suppress. The sight of Bucky falling from the train, the echo of his plea of aid, the goodbye he never got to give. What Steve would give to hold Bucky again, to inform the Omega of his devotion.

Steve is startled by the clap of a hand upon his shoulder, his eyes quickly flickering towards Clint, who stands at his shoulder. It seems that the Beta appears to understand, without Steve having to say a word. There’s sadness in the Beta’s eyes, which ultimately cause Steve to turn away and close in on himself.

The travel to SHIELD headquarters is silent, save for the whispers that can be heard from the mated pair. Each of the Avengers are offered medical assistance and Steve is incapable of feeling the sting of his wounds being cleaned. His thoughts revolve around Bucky and the overwhelming ache is enough to consume him.

When the jet opens and the Avengers proceed down the ramp, Fury is the first figure Steve sees. Behind the director stand several armed guards, whose eyes are trained upon the god behind Steve. With little said, each of the Avengers fall to surround the mated pair protectively. Clint appears to do be doing it begrudgingly, nothing Loki will ever do will completely erase Clint’s hatred

“Sir, with all do respect, I think you should let this one go,” Steve is the first one to speak when the team halts before the Director.

“Captain, I wasn’t aware it was your job to give me orders,” Fury snarks, his gaze never leaving the couple over Steve’s shoulder.

“The circumstances are ones that we can not begin to understand. Loki has things to answer for, yes, but it would be unusually cruel to separate them now.” The tone of Steve’s words leaves little room for Fury to argue, especially as Steve shifts to move around the Alpha and lead the team inside the quarters.

Steve secludes himself as quickly as possible. He vaguely hears the orders given by Fury to assemble in the headquarters, but he is incapable of following the directive. Steve’s body slumps into a chair in one of the abandoned conference rooms and his head falls against the surface of the table.

The interaction between Loki and Tony had drawn Steve into a dangerous place; a place where he remembers his loss vividly and struggles beneath the crushing weight of it. Steve’s breath comes quickly as he's forced into a state of panic while he focuses upon the memories of the man he lost; he's consumed by the memories that flicker behind his eyelids like a film upon a screen.

When Steve opens his eyes and his sight blurs, fraying at the edges, he realizes he's allowed himself to spiral, but he's incapable of halting it. The Alpha’s fingers fist in his hair as he struggles to draw in air. He doesn’t know how long he sits for, how long he’s lost in his own mind, but slowly Steve becomes aware of the presence of another. The calm of an Omega nearly overwhelms Steve and for a second, he’s lost in it, “Buck?” He whispers desperately, his hand shifting to curl tightly around the hand pressed against his chest, as if holding on tight enough would make it so his mate couldn’t leave.

“Steve, breathe. You need to focus, Steve.” The words confuse him. They’re not right, it’s not Bucky.

Shaking his head desperately, Steve’s thoughts attempt to chase the idea of Bucky before he forces himself to drawn in a breath. Subconsciously, he follows the request of the Omega to pace his breathing.

All too suddenly, it becomes painfully clear who the Omega is that is crouching before him and Steve instantly releases the hand clasped in his. The Alpha’s voice is raspy when he states, “I’m sorry, Tony.”

The Omega rises to his feet, his expression a mixture of pity and understanding. “No sweat, Cap.” Steve’s knows that’s the end of the conversation as his teammate has made his distaste clear and Steve’s already grateful for Tony’s interference.

Steve watches silently as Tony moves from Steve’s side to where Loki lingers near the door frame, his arms elevating automatically to encircle his mate. Steve quickly diverts his gaze because their interaction is too painful to observe.

When the Avengers are dismissed, Steve finds himself once again lost in an attempt to find his place in the modern world. Steve finds that he's learned to accept the twenty-first century easier than he thought he would. There is plenty to appreciate and for that he's grateful.

He’s learning, little by little, how to deal with his grief. Perhaps the meetings he attends at the VA are helpful or perhaps it’s the development of his first friendship that’s begun, but Steve finds that his panic attacks only happen every couple of days.

Days pass quickly. Missions with SHIELD leave Steve exhausted, relishing in the abuse to his body to avoid the battering in his mind. It’s punishment for what he was not able to do before, but Steve isn’t in the mindset to pause.

Accepting that he can no longer avoid it, Steve finds himself wandering throughout the Captain America display within the halls of the Smithsonian. The pictures cause his chest to ache painfully. While he’s aware this may be a terrible idea, Steve finds he needs to see the exhibit for himself. He needs to be reminded of the Bucky he hopes everyone knows.

Steve is struggling with the feelings that overwhelm him when his eyes locate a picture of the Howling Commandos, immediately focusing his eyes upon the image of the man standing near his shoulder. It takes Steve’s breath away to see a picture of Bucky so clearly. Throughout the time he has been awake, Steve has only had his memory to live by.

The Alpha bites his lips to prevent a sob from escaping his lips as the weight in his chest returns fully. In an attempt to escape, Steve turns upon his heel only to be met with a larger image of Bucky. There stands his mate followed by a worthy display, though it proves to not know him to be the man that Steve remembers. The description speaks of an Omega who fought bravely before the war, who made such great sacrifices for his country. It says nothing of his love for dancing nor his love for Steve.

Steve pauses, his eyes focusing upon a small screen which displays outdated videos from the war. Across the screen flashes a video of the Omega laughing, his eyes crinkled in amusement as Steve stares fondly. That’s the Bucky Steve tries to recall when nightmares plague his sleep.

When he visits Peggy, Steve desperately attempts to find pieces of himself. He searches for memories of who he was and who he could become again. While the days have become mildly easier, he acknowledges the fact that he needs to find ways to do more than cope.

“All we can do is our best and sometimes the best we can do, is start over.” The advice from Peggy rings in Steve’s mind. He knows she’s referring to the loss of his mate. Steve knows that Peggy desires for him to find solace, and he finds he needs that too. He needs to do his best in an impossible situation.

Steve’s attempts began at the VA. He attends because it’s a place where he can be understood, at least in terms of the horrors of the war. Steve learns quickly that he has more in common with Sam than he originally thought when Sam mentions Riley.

From there Steve finds that things progress just as quickly as they had during the invasion of New York. The attempt on Director Fury’s life leaves both Steve and Natasha scrambling, both desperate to find the man responsible for the shot fired.

When Steve corners Natasha and demands answers, the story of the Winter Soldier sparks his interest, demanding he avenge the life of a man he trusted. When the Beta makes comment about the practice Steve has had in the ‘kissing department’, Steve finds himself recoiling and defensive; it had felt wrong to kiss another and Steve realizes that he’s never entertained the idea of sharing his bed with another after his loss. It doesn’t seem as if there will ever be enough time for him to heal enough.

All the progress Steve has made is reversed when he comes face to face with Bucky, the mate Steve has been grieving so deeply. It’s enough to weaken the Alpha, allowing him to be knocked off his feet and left defenseless as he scrambles to accept the sight before him. It’s his mate, but Steve realizes quickly that it’s only a shell of Bucky when his mate continues the brutal assault. This man is a shell of a man that once was.

After Bucky had vanished, Steve is left battered and bruised. His mate is alive, but he doesn’t seem to recall the Alpha who continues to mourn him. The mark upon Steve’s shoulder burns brilliantly and Steve’s desire for the return of his mate burns just as brightly. He finds he has little time, however.

Steve’s still struggling with the knowledge that Bucky is in fact alive, but is no longer than man he loves, when he faces Bucky on the helicarrier. There’s a hatred in Bucky’s eyes that Steve doesn’t recognize and he blames that for the effort Bucky puts forward in attempting to kill him.

The sounds of Bucky’s struggle are nearly enough for Steve to wilt. It goes against his nature to cause his mate to suffer, yet Steve is unwilling to lay down his armor when so many are in danger. What kind of a man would he be then?

Steve feels the pierce of the shots through his suit. The first in his leg, the next in his shoulder, and the third in his abdomen. His mate, his Bucky, is following through on the order to bring his life to an end. It’s then that Steve gives the order for the mission to be completed and the carriers to come down. There is without a doubt in Steve’s mind that Bucky will not escape this, so why should Steve?

Steve hears Bucky’s shriek of agony, immediately drawing his attention to the Omega. Despite the pain of his wounds, Steve unsteadily makes his way in the direction of his indisposed mate. He’s incapable of leaving Bucky to suffer, no matter the damage he’s caused. It’s instinct that Steve care for his mate no matter the circumstance.

“You know me,” Steve states once he has successfully managed to free the soldier. He’s met with a roar of rage and the collision of a fist against his face. Steve draws himself to his feet and makes several more attempts to break through to his mate, to draw out the mate Steve knows. Each of his words is met with frustration and violence.

Steve drops his shield, his greatest hope, and states, “I’m not going to fight you. You’re my mate.”

The words that greet him in response cause the ache in his chest to return full force. “You’re my mission.” It’s then that Bucky launches himself in Steve’s direction, his metal fist continuously beating against Steve’s already battered face.

“Then finish it because I’m with you ‘till the end of the line,” Steve states in response, his voice clouded with emotion. It’s ironic, Steve thinks, that his end will come at the hands of the mate he has mourned, the mate he had been convinced was dead.

When the glass beneath Steve breaks, he barely registers the shatter as he falls. Staring upwards, Steve’s eyes fixate upon his mate and he considers the idea that now the roles are reversed. Steve is now the one plummeting and Bucky is the one watching, but now it seems as if his mate is unphased by the situation.

Steve’s mind is quiet and his body lax when he breaches the surface of the water. He doesn’t struggle, he couldn’t even if he wanted to, and simply allows his body to sink below the surface. It’s fitting, Steve thinks, because if he had to die at anybody’s hand, he’s glad it’s Bucky’s. Maybe the Omega will be free.

When asked later, Steve is certain that it was Bucky who dragged his body to the edge of the Potomac. The last memory that clouds his mind before he succumbed to unconsciousness is the metal hand that reached in his direction. Steve is now left with the knowledge that his mate is alive but he is not, and may never be, the mate Steve remembers.

The idea is nearly too much for Steve to process. Steve manages to hole himself inside the confines of his apartment for a week; seven lonely, broken days. Steve alternates between staring blankly at the paint on his walls and his body wracking with sobs. The food has run low, but Steve finds he is incapable of caring as he feels to weak to eat anyway. It’s been too long since he’s showered, too long since he’s left the comfort of his bed.

It’s when Steve reaches his lowest that there’s an insistent pounding upon his door. Steve contemplates ignoring the echo, but the volume steadily increases. If he doesn’t do something soon, his neighbors will consider him a menace. Perhaps they already do, Steve isn’t certain he’s been capable of controlling the volume of his sobs of grief.

Steve stumbles in the direction of the door, his eyes bleary and his movements slow. The Alpha blinks quickly against the bright light of the corridor, having been living in darkness for so long, before he is able to recognize the pair standing before him; Loki and Tony.

“You look like shit, Cap,” Tony states easily, only to dodge the elbow his mate casts his way. In response, Tony elevates his shoulders in a shrug. “It’s true.” It’s clear the Omega has noticed the Captain’s hollowed and blemished cheeks and the dark circles beneath his eyes.

“Is there something you need, Tony?” Steve questions, his voice rough from lack of use and nights spent expressing his grief.

“Yeah, actually,” the genius states before shouldering his way inside the dark apartment, his hand finding the light switch to illuminate the apartment. Loki casts an apologetic look at the other Alpha, pausing until he is welcomed into the home of the other. It would only add insult to injury if an Alpha were to barge into Steve’s space without consent. 

If Sarah Rogers had taught Steve anything, it was to be a courteous host. Despite the state of the Alpha’s health, he immediately shifts his attention to making his guests comfortable. Much to Steve’s relief, the sitting room has been left untouched throughout the course of his grief induced days.

“Can I get you a drink? I’ve got water and,” After pausing, Steve realizes he has nothing else to offer. “Water,” he finishes lamely, he’s incapable of mustering the energy to feel embarrassed..

Tony, having already made himself comfortable upon the sofa, gestures for Steve to sit. “Cap, we just wanted to talk. You don’t have to act like we’re the enemy.” If Steve had the energy, he would have laughed; Loki was once their enemy and maybe now Bucky is too.

Steve proceeds forward, but instead of moving to the sofa, he shifts to rest his shoulder against the surface of the wall directly across from the Omega. The position provides distance, something Steve desperately needs right now.

When the Alpha makes no move to speak, Tony fills the space, “I’ve been a dick, I get it. When we first met, I was reeling because of Loki. Nobody knew about him and I didn’t think anyone could understand if they did. He disappeared off the grid and when he returned, he didn’t know me. He tried to kill me.” A flash of pain appears upon Steve’s face, his breath hitching as he is forced to relive the memories of his Bucky.

Steve could hardly hear the first words Tony utters before he forces himself to refocus, catching the words, “Understood. You knew what I was going through, at least on the part of what it felt like to lose a mate. Now it’s my turn. I understand, Steve. The fact is, Bucky attacked you. Whether you’ve said it aloud or not, we all know about your bond. You’ve made it clear. I want to be more help you than what I let you be for me.

I could have used a person to talk to, a friend even. I pushed everybody away because I didn’t think anyone would understand.” Steve’s eyes flicker away from the couple when he sees Loki shift his hand to rest his hand upon Tony’s shoulder from where he stands behind the Omega. “I know what you’re going through. That pain? I’ve felt it too. It’s like it’s crushing you. You can’t breathe and there’s nothing you can do. You’re fighting for each breath and you don’t really even know why you’re fighting anymore. It's hell to live with, Steve, especially when you're doing it alone.”

Tony pauses, as if expecting an answer, but Steve doesn’t have one to give. He’d rather Tony finish his expression of pity and leave, so Steve can return to his bed and lose himself in his struggles.

“Captain, if I may,” Loki begins, drawing Steve’s attention to him. “What Anthony is saying is true, but he never has an eloquent way of stating it. Your grief is understood and there is concern here. The seclusion will do little but cause harm. As a pair, we are interested in you moving into the tower, even if it is only temporary. There is no pressure, of course, but we do fear for you in your time of grief.

If you were to accept our offer, you would be provided with your own living quarters, an entire level if it pleased you. We both understand, Captain. I have much to thank you for, foremost being your willingness to defend my bond with Anthony. I hope you would be willing to accept the offer.”

As soon as Loki pauses, Tony’s nodding his head, stating in mild amusement, “He always says things so much better than I do.”

Maybe it’s the grief or the fear of continuing his downwards spiral that has Steve nodding. He knows he must appear desperate, but the Alpha finds that he is struggling to find reason to care.

“It’ll only be temporary,” Steve states firmly, before flickering his eyes around the room and stating to attempt to lessen the tension, “Can’t say I’m fond of this place anyway.”

If Steve were to tell you that things were easy from then on, he’d be lying. He wonders if things would ever be easy. He still wakes from the night terrors and after seeing Bucky fall, he always manages to work himself into a panic. The pain in his chest is unbearable and it’s the same as before.

Now, though, he has the voice in the ceiling waking him when his screams pierce the air. Now, Steve knows that to center himself he needs to recites his name, location and the time. According to Sam, it’s to remind himself that he’s not living in his memories.

Steve’s been living in Stark tower for nearly six months. Tony no longer looks at Steve with pity in his eyes. The genius has developed a form of fondness for the soldier and the feeling is mutual, something Steve is rarely willing to admit, least it get to Tony’s head.

At Sam’s insistence, Steve has found another VA meeting to attend. It gives Steve something to do, so he can’t say he minds. It’s on the way home from one of the meeting that he sees him for the first time.

Steve’s hands are fisted inside his pockets, his cheeks red from the burn of the wind. Steve’s gaze is directed ahead, which might be why he only sees a blur at first. It’s the feeling of being watched that truly catches his attention.

Raising his gaze, his eyes flicker to observe his surroundings. Steve’s gaze passing over an individual to his left. At first glance the person is unremarkable, with the hood of a dark sweatshirt drawn over their head and tight fitting jeans. It’s an outfit that blends entirely too well into the New York style.

Steve’s eyes dart back when he comprehends the flash of metal he had seen where the arm of the sweatshirt has ridden up. “Buck?” Steve whispers as his gaze flickers to meet the Omega’s eyes.

The man’s facial expression shifts to look as if he’s a deer caught in headlights. Steve can see the clear struggle between fight and flight in the man’s eyes, ultimately flight wins out.

Steve can only stand and watch as Bucky turns upon his heel and darts down the street, moving around the squawking commuters. It’s only seconds before Steve processes the scene and hurriedly falls into a sprint behind the man.

With Hydra destroyed, could Bucky still be attempting to follow through on his mission? If that were the case, Steve would already be dead by now. Does that mean he remembers something? The thought causes a spark of hope in the Alpha’s chest. Either way, Steve feels he deserves answers. He needs answers.

Steve’s footsteps leave him hurrying in Bucky’s wake, dashing through the numerous people crowding the streets. Despite the knowledge that Bucky will only be caught if he lets himself be, Steve is unwilling to give up without a chase. It isn’t long before Bucky manages to lose Steve, darting strategically through the crowd to avoid the other soldier.

Realizing it’s a lost cause, Steve’s steps slow until he comes to a halt. His heart is beating frantically in his chest, but it has nothing to do with exertion and everything to do with seeing his mate once again. The Alpha draws a palm across his face as he exhales heavily. God Dammit, Bucky, Steve curses internally. So close, yet so far.  

The second time Steve sees Bucky, he’s seated in a cafe, focused on enjoying a light lunch with Tony. It’s out of the corner of Steve’s eye that he spots the dark shadow pausing beside the window, gone before he can even process. Steve immediately knows what, or rather who, it is.

“Excuse me. I’ll be right back,” Steve states hastily, rising from his seat and bolting in the direction of the door.

“Steve,” Tony states sharply, attempting to get the Alpha’s attention, but it’s no use. Tony’s head shakes slightly as he resettles in his chair to wait for the other’s return.

Steve barrels down the sidewalk, following the dark mass of hair as he shifts through the throng of people on the sidewalk. “Bucky,” he calls loudly and the Omega’s head turns slightly but his movement doesn’t falter. Steve comes closer to catching him this time, but Bucky still manages to escape his grasp.

Eventually, Steve wanders back into the cafe, his expression apologetic as he makes eye contact with Tony. The Omega’s expression is understanding, noting the pain written clearly across Steve’s face. Knowing there is nothing he could say, Tony lightly places his hand atop the back of Steve’s before he manages to draw Steve’s attention to something entirely different as he rambles about the updates he intends to make on Steve’s suit for greater protection.

It’s the third time Steve sees Bucky that he makes the connection; his mate is keeping tabs on him and has been checking up on him. It’s nearly two months after the first time Steve saw Bucky and he’s been searching relentlessly. There’s been no trace of the Omega since the last sighting three weeks ago and Steve is distracted, distraught and miserable to be around.

Steve’s uncertain of when it happened, but the other Avengers have moved into Stark toward and Steve is certain that it’s a play by Tony to get Steve to give up on planning to leave. The excuse Tony uses is that it is much easier when the Avengers are called into action.

It’s a tense battle, the team going against a no name man making an attempt to rise in power by seizing the city as his own. The strategic placement of detonations has already many dead as building quickly collapse around them and the Avengers are scrambling to clear the area.

“Iron Man, do you copy?” Steve grits into the comm as he desperately attempts to lead a group of people safely from the overcrowded area directly after a building collapses. “I need coverage here. Alert local law enforcement that we have a group ready for transport.”

There’s a confirmation over the line before Steve’s attention is caught by a soft wail near his side. Steve’s eyes scan the area, finally focusing on the form of a child, whose leg caught beneath a piece of a fallen building. The boy has dirt marks upon his cheeks, tear marks evident. His raven hair is messy and he briefly reminds Steve of Bucky as his piercing green eyes meet Steve’s. Surveying the situation, Steve’s attention is brought towards the danger lurking directly upon the child’s head, where larger pieces of the collapsed structure teeter.

Steve’s movements are tentative, his voice soothing as he states, “Hey, kid. I’m right here, alright? I’m gonna get you out of there. Everything’ll be fine.”

The soldier is careful with the placement of his steps, doing his best to make good on his promise to offer the child his aid. Steve makes a wrong move, and he’s aware of it as soon as it happens. His foot slips and the pieces above the child begin to topple. The child’s fearful cry pierces the air, causing Steve’s heart to lurch.

Lunging forward, Steve’s arm raises his shield to block the falling debris. Immediately, both bodies are completely surrounded by fallen debris and darkness settles in. His body hovers carefully over the small boy, attempting to prevent his weight from crushing the child but struggling to keep the weight of the debris from crushing both of them. A harsh groan passes the super-soldier’s lips as he struggles, his arm already shaking from exertion. There’s no way that he can protect both of them for long.  

“I need help, quickly. Building collapsed. I’ve got a child with me. Extraction is necessary; immediately. Corner of 51st.” Steve’s addressing anyone and everyone, desperate for aid.

“Cap, hold on. I’m coming.” Tony’s voice buzzes over the lines immediately.

Steve can hear the soft cries of the child, begging softly for his mother. In an attempt to distract the child, Steve begins to speak soothingly. Steve can feel the exertion taking a toll on him mentally, feeling his body begin to collapse as his arm quivers. He knows it it couldn't have been more than a minute but his body is weakening rapidly.

Steve’s arm is nearly ready to give in, the pieces of the building shifting closer to crushing the pair with every second, when the pieces begin to shift. The person, presumably Tony, shifting through the pile of material pressing down upon them is far from gentle. A loud groan passes Steve lips as his vision darkens for a moment, exhaustion and exertion quickly consuming him, but Steve desperately clings to consciousness for the sake of the boy.

If he were able to focus, Steve would have the constant, strangled muttering of, “No, no. Please, no,” from the person shifting through the material to offer aid.

As soon as the light shines through and the bulk of the pressure is removed from Steve’s arm, the soldier can feel his consciousness slipping. Steve’s body shifts slightly, offering his savior a view of the child as he collapses on his side. “Help him. Needs medical,” Steve’s voice trails off as his vision shifts to black and his body goes limp. Just before he slips away completely, he sees a flash of what appears to be a glint of metal arm.

When Steve wakes, it’s gradual. There’s a constant beep coming from his left and the scent of antiseptic is strong. A soft groan passes Steve’s lips as he feels his entire body pulse in pain. When he attempts to shift, a palm settles upon Steve’s shoulder to force him back to a resting position. “Easy, Cap,” Steve hears, registering the voice to belonging to Sam, a man he hadn’t seen since departing from Washington.

“You took a hard hit, Steve. You’ve been out for nearly a week. Had all of us out of our minds.” Sam continues as Steve blearily blinked open his eyes. The hospital room is ordinary, save for the obnoxious amount of balloons and flowers.

When Sam catches Steve’s gaze, he release a soft laugh before muttering softly, “You’ve got yourself quite the fan base.”

“How’s the kid? Did Tony get him out? Was he hurt?” Steve questions, his voice rough and broken from lack of use, immediately prompting Sam to raise a glass of water to his lips. Steve takes small sips from the glass before Sam replaces it upon the bedside table.

Sam’s expression is confused, before shifting to a look of pity as he states, “Steve, it wasn’t Tony that pulled you out. We think,” the man trails off for a minute before continuing, “We think it might have been Bucky. Someone demanded medical help over your comm but by the time Tony got there less than a minute later, you were alone, unconscious and bleeding.”

Steve’s breath catches in his throat and he feels a sort of hope bloom in his chest. Does it mean Bucky’s begun to remember? How did Bucky know Steve needed him?

That’s when Steve realizes; Bucky has been keeping tabs on him. It fills Steve with a tentative sense of hope; makes him wonder if  his bond isn’t a lost cause after all.

It’s two days after Steve woke before they allow him to leave the hospital. The severe injury to his head concerned many and no matter how quickly Steve is capable of healing, nobody can recover from such severe injuries in a matter of days. His body and mind had been exhausted, his muscles torn and overused, his head injured.

When Steve finally manages to find himself alone, he’s on his floor, standing just outside of the elevator. He breathes a sigh of relief. It’s not that he doesn’t appreciate the care of his teammates, Tony has proven to be particularly bothered by the events, but there are times when it can be too much.

Steve’s movements are slow as he proceeds in the direction of his kitchen. His stomach aches from hunger and he’s barely able to summon the energy to scrounge up the materials to make himself a sandwich. Steve picks up his sloppily put together sandwich and decides to break his main rule and leaves the confines of the kitchen while eating his food.

The movements are painful, leaving Steve staggering slightly as he trails the hall into his bedroom. He’s so caught up in the pain and finishing the remainder of his food that he initially misses the form standing in the corner of the room. It isn’t until Steve’s fingers switch on the bedside lamp that he notices the dark figure lingering.

The Alpha jumps, his body protesting at the abrupt movement and he nearly chokes upon the final bite of his sandwich. Steve is immediately on the defensive. He’s aware that he's not in any condition to properly defend himself so he prepares to command JARVIS to contact the team when the individual steps forward from the shadows and exposes their face.

Steve’s breath catches, his eyes widening. Before him stands Bucky, whose skin is littered with dirt and his eyes appear haunted.

“Buck?” Steve whispers in disbelief, incapable of believing the sight before him.

The Omega remains silent in response, taking another step forward. Bucky's flesh hand elevates as he moves, almost as if he’s requesting the right to touch Steve.

The haunted look on Bucky’s face immediately has Steve nodding, giving his permission for whatever is being asked of him, which leads the Omega forward to place a hand lightly upon the Alpha’s chest. Bucky’s fingers are surprisingly gentle as they shift across Steve’s chest, as if attempting to seek out any wounds through the material of his shirt.

The soldier doesn’t utter a single syllable as he nudges Steve in the direction of the bed, a clear command. Steve’s in too much shock to argue, shifting to rest upon the mattress. Steve is startled to feel fingers shift through his hair tentatively, halting at his wince when Bucky’s fingers progress too close to the wound on Steve’s head.

The Alpha struggles, attempting to remain conscious. He doubts that Bucky will remain when he awakes, and he’s not entirely certain that it’s not a hallucination already. Just in case, Steve mutters, “Don’t leave,” before his exhaustion wins over and Steve is incapable of keeping his eyes open.

When Steve awakes, he releases a soft groan as he drags himself into consciousness. The Alpha doesn’t immediately open his eyes, fearing that the night before was a simple dream. When he finally finds the courage to face the room, Steve’s eyes shift tentatively around the room.

His breath catches in his throat when he sees the sight before him. There sits his mate on the opposite side of the room, his eyes fixed intently upon Steve.

“Bucky,” Steve whispers as he rises to a seated position. Steve doesn’t expect an answer and he isn’t provided with one. He’s simply grateful his mate is present. It’s been so long and he finds that he’s simply pleased to be in the presence of his mate. Over seventy years have passed and the ache has never gotten easier.  It’s now that Steve finally feels a slight sense of relief from the pain ever present in his chest. Steve knows he’s staring, but he can’t help himself. It’s been too long.

Drawing himself from his position upon the bed, Steve stretches painfully, attempting to work through the aches in his muscles. His muscles are still tense and healing. His body having taken great abuse.

While unwilling to allow Bucky to leave his sight, his bladder protests and he's forced to move from the Omega's sight. Steve risks one last glance at his mate before he wanders into the bathroom to relieve himself. He convinces himself that he’ll be alright if Bucky isn’t there when he returns, but Steve knows it isn’t the truth. He’ll always be preparing for the worst, Steve knows, even if Bucky chooses to stay.

Nothing will ever compare to the overwhelming relief Steve feels when he wanders back into the bedroom to see Bucky sitting in the same spot Steve had left him in. It appears if he hasn’t moved an inch, and he probably hasn’t. It’s bizarre because his Bucky before the war could not remain still for longer than five seconds.

Steve takes another chance; he wanders in the direction of the kitchen, glancing over his shoulder every few steps to glance at his mate until he’s out of the room. Steve’s back is to the entrance of the kitchen, shifting through the cabinets, seeking something to eat. Settling upon cereal, Steve pulls the box from the cupboard, grateful that Tony had someone stalk his shelves.

The Alpha releases a faint yelp when he turns, spotting Bucky seated at the breakfast bar, having not heard his mate enter the kitchen behind him. The Omega’s expression remains painfully neutral and Steve quickly schools himself.

Raising the box for Bucky to see, Steve asks, “Want some?” When he’s met with no response, Steve simply retrieves two bowls from the cupboard and two spoons from the drawer. With no idea how to proceed, Steve simply pours cereal and milk into both of the bowls before sliding a bowl and spoon in the direction of the Omega.

It seems as if Bucky’s on autopilot when his flesh hand grips the spoon. His eyes remain upon Steve, brows furrowing. After a moment, Steve takes a bite of his own cereal, swallowing quickly. When Bucky’s head shifts in a nod, Steve realizes what he had done. Bucky must have waited for Steve to taste the food first because he has been trained into submission. It makes Steve’s heart clench. Bucky has had to deal with so much, yet he's aware that there's nothing he can do to ease his mate's pain.

Weeks are spent like this. Silence on Bucky’s end while Steve offers his thoughts and forms of mindless chatter. At first, he thought found it to be bizarre, feeling as if he were talking to himself, but when Bucky’s lips begin to form the faintest smile at some of the things Steve says, the Alpha knows he won’t, and can’t, stop.

The team is aware of Bucky’s presence in the tower and actively avoid Steve’s floor in an effort to prevent from startling the Omega and forcing him to retreat even further. Steve’s never been more grateful to have people be so understanding. They all acknowledge that Bucky has done terrible things and will have to answer for his crimes, but much like when dealing with Tony and Loki, none are willing to force it so soon.

It’s still not easy after that. Despite this, Steve finds himself wondering if he’s actually conscious majority of the time. It feels surreal to have Bucky return to him, even if the situation is different than how he pictured it to be.

The first time Bucky speaks to Steve is also the first time they share a bed, nearly two months after his return. Steve’s caught in the horrors of his dream. The Alpha is forced to watch as his Omega falls, plummeting to his death. The pain is as if Steve is in the moment once again and in his terror, he is in that moment. Steve’s breath hitches in mindless sobs, his desperate pleas for Bucky to hold on for a moment longer weigh heavily in the dark of the room, awakening Bucky.

Steve flinches, even in his sleep, when he is forced to face the form of his love, demanding answers cruelly as to how Steve could let him fall. How could Steve let him die? Why was it Bucky and not Steve? Steve can feel the cold of the air bite his skin and the wind whipping in his hair. He can feel the tears upon his cheeks and the echos of his own cries in his ears.

“Please, Buck, please,” Steve releases on a sob, his body twitching as he struggles to rouse himself from the horrors he’s facing. There’s nothing he is capable of doing as the watches the metal of the siding of the train slip and hears Bucky’s horrified scream as he plummets towards the snow covered caps.

Bucky is uncertain of how to conduct himself, but eventually Steve’s cries have grown too great from his to ignore. Settling on the edge of the bed, he extends a hand forward to settle on Steve’s arm and shakes slightly.

“Steve. Stevie, c’mon. Wake up,” the words are like chants,eventually managing to break through the Alpha’s thoughts. Immediately, Steve jolts upwards, his chest heaving in dry sobs as his eyes wildly search around the room.

Steve’s chest is constricting, it’s a struggle to gasp for breath as his fingers dive into his hair. Steve’s knees are drawn towards his chest as he struggles to draw in air, his vision swims as he hears Bucky repeat like a mantra in his head, ‘You should have saved me. You should have saved me.’ Steve whimpers as his fingers pull in his hair. “Please,” he whispers, his chest heaving as his tears spill down his flushed cheeks. He can’t breathe, Steve realizes, the pressure on his chest is too great and he can’t focus hard enough to find something to ease it.

When Steve has prepared to give into the panic, the pressure over his bonding bite is enough to sooth Steve nearly instantly, especially as he shifts to press his side against Bucky’s. It’s instinctual and allows for the Alpha to begin to find his breath. It’s the first intimate touch between the two, and it makes Steve chest ache in an entirely different way.

“Bucky,” Steve whispers, shifting slightly to bury his face in the Omega’s neck and burrows his fingers in Bucky’s raven hair. Beneath his touch, Steve can feel Bucky stiffen for a brief moment before he relaxes completely, his fingers stroking across Steve’s bare shoulders.

The Alpha is incapable of suppressing the faint sob that passes his lips. He’s alive. Bucky’s real beneath Steve’s hands. While the memories will never fade, he has something to hold onto now. Steve’s cries lessen eventually and he is faintly aware that his tears have stained Bucky’s shirt, but the male says nothing of it.

Steve’s eyes begin to droop, exhaustion consuming every fiber of his being. He can feel the shift of the body at his side, making an attempt to flee the bed. Steve’s arm shifts to secure lightly around the other’s waist without any thought, mumbling drowsily, “No. Stay.”

There isn’t enough time before Steve drifts into unconsciousness for him to realize that Bucky has in fact stayed. When Steve awakes the next morning, he’s met with a comfortable weight pressed lightly against Steve’s side, leaving enough distance between the two for the Omega to feel comforted. It’s progress, and Steve is willing to take it without complaint.

At first, Steve wonders if Bucky stays simply out of instinct. He’s an Omega with a bonded Alpha, now that Bucky’s aware, it would go against all of his instincts to leave. Steve accepts it either way, grateful to have Bucky back, but he isn’t capable of completely masking the worry.

There are times when Steve finds he needs a moment to breath, a moment to process and pretend he’s not frightened that his mate will flee at any moment. Those times, Steve finds himself in Tony’s workshop, leaning on the only one who understands for reassurance.

He’d excused himself for a greater part of the day, aware Tony required his approval on updating Steve’s suit. He’d spent hours in the confines of the workshop with Tony and he thought little of it, as it is a common occurrence.

As soon as Steve steps from the elevator, he knows that something is wrong. He can sense it. The air is tense and he doesn’t immediately spot Bucky as he typically would. “Buck?” Steve calls out tentatively, fearing the worst. Had Bucky had enough and left? What if Bucky had left, leaving Steve with nothing more than false hope and memories. He's uncertain if he'd be able to sleep in a cold bed after finally having someone to warm it again.

Panicked footsteps lead Steve to the threshold of his bedroom. The sight before him causes Steve’s heart to ache; Bucky’s seated on the edge of Steve’s bed, his gaze focused intently on his hands.

Steve’s struggling to understand the situation when Bucky speaks. After the first night, Bucky hasn’t spoke again so his voice is rough from lack of use, “You can always ask me to leave, ya know. I don’t have to stay.”

Steve’s shocked. “Buck, I,” Steve begins, only to be cut off.

“I’d rather you just told me upfront. If you had a fella or a dame, I wish you would have told me. Instead, you disappear for hours and when you come back you always smell of someone else. The same scent, the same Omega. You’ve never told me where you’re going and I know I don’t deserve to know. I know I’m not the mate you deserve or the ‘Bucky’ you remember,” Bucky’s smile is one of self-deprecation. “I can take rejection, but I won’t take you tryin’ to pull the wool over my eyes. I see what you’re doin’. I don’t need pity. Just tell me to leave and I’m gone.”

Steve exhales heavily, only to be cut off once more. “I remember things, you know. I know who I was and I know who you are. I remember how you smiled that day when I saved enough money and brought you home the sketchbook you wanted. I remember that time I nearly lost you because that bad round of pneumonia. I remember, Steve. I know who I was, but I also know that's not enough.” The sound the Omega makes is nearly a sob. “But if you decide to keep me around, I’ll try harder. I’ll try to be the Bucky you want me to be. I’m not a good person, I know that, but for some reason I can’t quite shake you. I’ve tried. I don’t know if I want to, to tell you the truth.”

To say Steve’s shocked would be an understatement. He hasn’t been certain he’d ever get that much from Bucky. He also hadn’t even thought about how the Omega might feel at his relationship with Tony. While Steve knows it’s platonic, Bucky has no way of knowing that.

Steve takes a tentative step forward, encouraged when Bucky doesn’t flinch away from him. “Buck, I’m sorry. Tony and I, we’re just friends. Things were bad for a while and Tony was there to help. I helped him out when he went through a similar circumstance with his Alpha, Loki, and that’s it. He’s the best friend I’ve got.”

Steve exhales heavily before stating, “I want you to stick around. I want you here with me. I don’t want you to be anybody but you, Buck. I don’t expect you to be the same person you were before the war. I'm not the same person I was before the war. I just want you here, with me.”

It seems as if that settled it because Bucky rises to his feet and proceeds around Steve in the direction of the common area. It seems as if this is all the progress they can make for the night.

Things come to a head when Steve returns to the field, forcing Bucky to remain alone. The Alpha had been allowed to return to the field and had been forced to do so, finally returning on a mission with Natasha when his help was required. Despite the deep rooted concern that Bucky would no longer be there when he returned, Steve knew it to be imperative that he continue to dedicate part of his time to a cause he continues to believe in. He couldn't live his life shut in because he feared Bucky wouldn't be there when he returned.

Steve returns to his level in Stark tower nearly three days later than expected. The mission that was to last twenty-four hours, at most, had been more complicated than expected and Steve hadn’t had the opportunity or means to contact Bucky and alert him of the delay.

The Omega has questioned during times of frustration, why Steve stays when he knows there is better. Bucky has made his fear of abandonment and his struggles to allow Steve from his sight clear, struggling even when Steve makes the trek to Tony’s lab for periods of time. For that reason, Bucky had begun to take the trip to the lab with him, lingering on the edges of the room warily. It took many weeks for Bucky to become comfortable enough to settle upon the old sofa Tony had stored in the workshop. It would take nearly a year before Bucky would be willing to allow Tony to touch his arm.

It took Steve time to convince Bucky to allow him to leave on a mission, and the Omega had lingered in the threshold of their bedroom, his eyes following Steve as he stepped into the elevator. His expression mirrored his panic, his fingers fisting at his side. Steve had forced himself to move forward, his feet dragging as he stepped away from his mate. “I’ll be back soon, Buck,” Steve had stated confidently.

Now three days later, Steve’s fingers run through his hair as he steps from the elevator. He expels a heavy, tense breath as he makes a move to shrug from his jacket. His muscles are sore, but in a pleasant way. He’s exhausted, but it’s gratifying. The work Steve has completed has successfully saved lives, even if he meant being away from Bucky. The distance had caused his chest to ache, but the pressure relieves as he moves inside the apartment.

The Alpha’s attention is quickly caught by movement in the hall. Raising his eyes, Steve sees Bucky standing rigid, his expression a mixture of worry, frustration, fear and sadness.

“Bucky,” Steve states warmly, his exhaustion evident in the slump of his shoulders even as he toes off his shoes and abandons his jacket. When Steve takes a step forward, he’s startled when Bucky takes a step backwards. Over the last months, the two have begun to acknowledge their bond. Light touches are intimate and Bucky has gradually allowed for himself to shift closer to Steve in his sleep, even if in the morning he pretends as if he’s not grateful to find Steve’s arm around his waist and his lips pressed over the bonding mark.

“Buck,” Steve states, his hurt clear in the single word. Bucky simply shakes his head, turning his back on the Alpha and returning to their bedroom. Steve begins to move to follow in his mate’s footsteps, faltering when the bedroom door clicks closed behind the Omega.

“Shit,” Steve mutters beneath his breath, pausing outside of his bedroom. His knuckles tap against the door, “Buck, can I come in?”

There’s no response and it causes Steve’s heart to lurch. It’s been weeks since Bucky last locked himself away and it’s never been in his and Steve’s shared bedroom.

“Bucky, please,” Steve attempts again, only to be met with no response once again. A soft noise of confusion passes Steve’s lips before he resigns himself to forcing his way into the room and demanding answers.

Steve is surprised at how easy it is to enter the bedroom. The lock has not been secured, allowing Steve to twist the handle and pry the door open. Cautiously stepping into the room, Steve’s eyes survey the space, spotting the Omega sitting stiffly in the chair he once claimed. Whatever had set Bucky off had been severe; Steve has a feeling he’s what set Bucky off.

“Bucky,” Steve state's gently as he makes a move to cross the room. The Alpha freezes when Bucky raises his eyes, his expression one of intense anger and bitterness. He's has never looked at the Alpha like that and it’s enough to have Steve’s throat drying.

The silence between them is heavy. Steve realizes then that if he is to get anything from his mate, it must come in the form of a command. Steve hates the idea, despises the thought of forcing Bucky to give up his thoughts after he had been forced to do for so long. Even so, Steve’s voice is a clear command when he states, “Tell me what’s wrong, James.”

“Где ты был? почему тебя так долго не было? почему ты ушел так надолго??” The Omega’s words are forced and his facial expression has shifted to become neutral.

Steve’s expression shifts in confusion. While he’s aware that Bucky’s speaking Russian, as he before, Steve is incapable of comprehending the roughly spoken words.

Scratching the back of his neck, Steve’s expression is apologetic as he states, “I don’t understand Russian, Buck. You know that. Want to try that again in English for me?”

Bucky moves too quickly for Steve to comprehend. One moment the Omega’s seated in the chair and the next he’s slamming Steve’s body roughly against the  wall, his fist curled tightly around Steve’s throat, bruising and harsh. The impact is enough to knock the wind from Steve’s lungs, causing him to struggle to inhale. The Alpha’s fingers secure around the hand at his throat, making an attempt to force the hand from his flesh. He knows that if he put effort into it, Steve could more than likely remove the threat, but he’d never use force against Bucky.

“Where were you? You said you’d be gone for a day, at most. It’s been fuckin’ three, Steve. What the fuck were you?” The Omega growls dangerously low, his teeth bared.

Steve can see clearly now that it’s not just anger upon Bucky’s face but betrayal and hurt. It’s enough to have Steve scrambling to apologize. “Buck, it took longer than they thought it would. There more complications and in order to complete the task safely, we needed more time. I would have let you know, but I had no means to communicate.”

Bucky doesn’t completely believe the story Steve is telling, it’s clear in his expression and the increase in pressure on Steve’s throat. “не лги мне,” Bucky grits out, his teeth bared and his eyes blazing.

“Buck, can’t breathe,” Steve grips out, the intake of breath a mere wheeze. For a second, Steve is fearful when Bucky doesn’t remove the pressure, but all too suddenly it’s gone and the presence of the Omega has retreated to the opposite side of the room. Steve’s fingers massage his throat tenderly as his eyes focus upon the slouched form of his mate.

“Buck, Nat has Clint. I was with Natasha because she’s my partner, we work together. That’s the entirety of our relationship. By the time I met her, she was mated with Clint and I was still struggling to deal with the loss of you.” Steve’s words are choked with emotion and he’s forced to pause. “I love you, Buck. I just got you back. Why would I risk that?

I made a mistake in not finding a way to tell you, I get that, and I promise you it won’t happen again. Just please, look at me. Talk to me.” Steve’s desperate. Anything would be better than the radio silence he’s currently receiving.

“I’m not good for you, Steve, but there are people who are. I read the file. The Beta, Sharron, she’d do you good. It’s selfish to want you so much when I know I can’t give you want you deserve. I can’t find the willpower to leave though, believe me, I’ve tried. I’ve always known I was missing something, but now I know what I would be missing and I don’t know if I could live with that.” Bucky’s words are spoken hastily, as if he can barely wait to say them.

The final statement by the Omega are nearly a whisper, “I know that you deserve better and you’re gonna find it, Stevie, and I’d rather be dead than sit around and watch it.”

The idea causes Steve’s breath to catch in his throat and he stumbles forward, dropping to his knees before the seated Omega. “Buck, please,” Steve states, his voice thick with emotion as he wraps both of his hands around Bucky’s flesh hand.

“I’m not going’ anywhere. I’m here. I don’t know how I managed without you, Buck, but now that I’ve got you back, I know I sure as hell won’t be able to do it again. Please, Buck, please. Don’t make me do it again.” Steve’s chest aches painful. He knows that Bucky will never fully understand the suffering Steve has endured and he fears that the lack of knowledge will allow the Omega to draw a wedge between them.

Steve’s met with a soft cry before his arms are forced to catch the weight of the Omega as he falls from the chair onto the Alpha. Bucky’s lips are pressed eagerly against Steve’s neck as his thighs shift to straddle Steve’s waist. Bucky uses his palms to force Steve to sprawl backwards, his back hitting the floor. Bucky’s hips shifts to grind down against Steve’s groin as his lips seize Steve’s in a kiss that is soft and tender, the opposite of what Steve has expected.

Steve’s expression is clouded with emotion and he’s aware that the step Bucky is willing to take speaks louder than any words the Omega could say. It’s intimate and Bucky is finally giving the final piece of himself to Steve. It’s a means to symbolically complete their bond.

The two lay sprawled across their bed, both lax in the post orgasmic bliss. They’d taken their time, there was no need to rush after all. He relearned the body of his lover, tracing each scar that now mares his flesh. They’re both different now, but they’re both still enamored by the other.

Steve’s fingers stroke across the bare back of his mate. The movement pauses when Steve feels Bucky’s fingers trace the discoloration of Steve’s neck where the Omega’s fingers had crushed before. There’s an apology in the way that Bucky’s lips press gently against Steve’s flesh.

Steve’s fingers return to stroking across the path of Bucky’s back, his lips curving upwards in a smile. He knows things won’t be easy, but this is a bond he’d be willing to fight for any day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Translations:  
> Где ты был? почему тебя так долго не было? почему ты ушел так надолго??: Where have you been? Why did you go away for so long?  
> Не ври мне: Don’t lie to me  
> I do not speak Russian, so these are totally google translate, which can be completely unreliable at times. If these are wrong, I ask you to please alert me so I can change them.


	2. Epilogue.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bucky gets the nerve to ask Steve something important. Cue the nervousness.

“Steve?” The sound of Bucky’s voice interrupts Steve’s concentration, causing the male to release a distracted hum of acknowledgement as his fingers skim across the page.

The sound of Bucky’s anxious shifting immediately grabs the blonde soldier’s attention, causing him to elevate his head to survey the uneasy Omega before him. Steve tenses, fearing the words that Bucky might offer. It has been months since Bucky has worn the desperate, anxious expression. It causes something in Steve’s stomach to clench.

“What is it, Buck? Is there something bothering you?” Steve questions, struggling to remain seated. It goes against the Alpha’s very instincts to reject the idea of comforting his distressed mate, but Steve is aware that Bucky would only fall further into panic if he were crowded.

The brunette’s fingers scratch idly at the back of his neck, a habit Steve knows is a sign of his anxiousness. The Omega expels a deep breath, seeming to attempt to gather the courage to say exactly what is on his mind. “I was wonderin’,” Bucky begins, nearly having the words leaving the tip of his tongue before he shakes his head. The male’s expression becomes clouded and he visibly rejects his own thoughts, his shoulders hunching in on himself.

It’s then that Steve is incapable of preventing himself from rising. He easily crosses the distance separating them in order to place his hands upon the curve of his mate’s neck. The palm of Steve’s hand is pressed firmly over the bonding mark located upon the flesh between Bucky’s neck and shoulder. It’s an attempt to ground both of them in the moment.

“Buck, c’mon. Tell me what’s got you thinking. You promised we'd always talk things through, remember?” Steve is aware that the question is a reminder of rough times, but the knot in his stomach has yet to ease, leaving the Alpha desperate.

Bucky, clearly relaxed beneath the touch of his mate, expels another breath and prepares to steel himself for the rejection. “I was wonderin’ if since things have been alright between us for a while, if you’d want to do that fancy ceremony you always wanted. I know your friends ain’t too fond of me, but I promise I’d be sure to not cause trouble for you.” The words slowly taper off, ending with Bucky attempting to dislodge the Alpha’s hands.

It still causes Steve's stomach to twist that Bucky believes he's unwelcome and stirs trouble between Steve and his team. The Alpha will never be able to convince Bucky that it's the opposite, that the team is pleased to have Bucky begin to accept each of them as a part of his life. For so long, they saw Steve living in solitude and suffering so each of them are relieved to find that Bucky has changed the Captain.

Still, the idea is a shock for Steve. Bucky, who has been incapable of verbally expressing his love and devotion for his mate since his return, has expressed interest in the idea of a public mating ceremony. It take’s Steve’s breath away, as he realizes that Bucky is acknowledging his feelings for Steve despite his reservations. Steve has accepted the idea that it would take a great amount of time for Bucky to be capable of expressing his emotions, but the Alpha never thought his mate would desire to take their bonding public. It’s something Steve has always desired, but has come to accept that it is something he would never have. It’s enough to have the Alpha choking on his emotions as he attempts to gain composure.

Bucky hears Steve’s sharp intake of breath, which in fear of rejection, makes him fight all that much harder to be free of Steve’s grasp. A soft whimper passes Bucky’s lips and though it is of genuine panic at the idea of rejection, he is also aware that Steve would automatically release him at the sound of distress.

As soon as Steve’s hands are removed from his flesh, Bucky is hastily stumbling in the direction of the doorway, intending to lock himself inside the bedroom he had claimed as his own for the bad days. The panic in his chest nearly manages to overwhelm him. ‘Shouldn’t have said anything, stupid. Shouldn’t have said anything,’ Bucky mentally repeats like a mantra.

“Buck, wait, please. Please,” The words sound desperate and nearly pleading as they leave Steve’s lips and immediately cause Bucky’s steps to falter. It’s not a sound he desires to be the cause of.

“I want that, Buck, you have no idea. I know we dreamed of it together when we were young. We dreamed of a day where we didn’t have to hide and where we could show our bond proudly. We have that now, Bucky, we have that.” For the same reason that the ache in Bucky’s chest is starting to subside, the words Steve speaks are filled with emotion.

“I love you, Buck. I want you, in any way you’ll have me. If you want a ceremony, I want it too. God, I want it, Buck. I don’t want you to feel like it’s something you have to do for me. I don’t want you to feel pressured. I couldn’t stand thinking that you felt I took a choice away from you, Buck, and that’s why I’ve never mentioned it. It doesn’t mean I don’t want it too.”

A soft choked noise leaves Bucky’s lips, ashamed at how vulnerable Steve’s offering has made him. “I want that, Steve. I want people to know you love me and that I love you. I want them to see us and see that, despite me being a monster, we can be happy. I want this, Stevie.”

Bucky’s back has remained towards Steve, having been incapable of making eye contact as he expressed his emotions. He is not startled, however, when he senses Steve moving in his direction and is prepared for the arms that secure around his waist. Bucky expels a breath of relief as Steve’s lips make contact with the bonding mark upon his flesh, lightly but ever present.

“Some day I’ll convince you that you’ve never truly been a monster. Someday,” Steve mutters the words against Bucky’s flesh before forcing the Omega to turn and face him. “You’ve got me, Buck. If you want this ceremony too, then we’ll do it. We’ll show everyone, I promise. I’m with you ‘till the end of the line, you jerk. Don’t you ever forget it.”

There is little that Bucky can say that would express his feelings for his Alpha, so instead he curls the fingers of his flesh hand into Steve’s hair and pulls the man into a kiss. He hopes it says everything that he is incapable of saying. It’s mere moments before Bucky breaks the kiss himself and takes a shot at saying the words himself, “I love you, punk.” In that moment, Bucky realizes that nothing he’s ever said before has felt so natural or true as those simple words.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I needed more fluff. Not sorry.


	3. The Battle of New York

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tony's pov of the Battle of New York.

The suit offers him transportation to New York faster than the others are capable of traveling. When his pulsers are incapable of piercing the shield encompassing the tesseract, Tony’s attention shifts to the Alpha standing several levels below him. The expression on the god’s face makes him nearly unrecognizable and it causes Tony’s heart to clench.  
Tony, incapable of showing emotion, has never before shown signs of weakness before others. The terrors that plague his sleep are those for him to deal with himself. The struggles of the trauma from Afghanistan and the betrayal of Obadiah, those are all of his own. At least they were before Loki walked into his life.

When Tony had met Loki three years prior at a Stark Industries event, he had been taken by the Alpha’s confidence and charisma. It had been just one night of pleasure, except Tony found Loki unwilling to leave his bed, demanding another night. Loki’s demands were met, and Tony found himself willing to let Loki back into the penthouse each time of his request.

They’d been fucking for a year, both aware of the developing bond between them but refusing to acknowledge it, when Loki had shown up severely wounded and bleeding upon Tony’s sofa. Tony knew his feelings were uncontrollable when his mind shifted into a panic and he was nearly incapable of attempt to force his act of bravado by complaining about the blood on his couch.

It was Tony’s idea; the bond. He’d meant to offer it flippantly, but they were both aware it held a deeper meaning. There was little the Omega could offer to heal the internal bleeding of the male, leaving him desperate and willing. While it’s true that a bond allows for a greater pulse of power to both, which would allow for Loki’s magic to heal with wound, the Alpha had not expected Tony to offer.

It was done and Tony finds that the mark on his collar is not as much of a hindrance as he had once thought it would be. After the beginning of his relations with Loki, Tony found himself unwilling to share his bed with another, meaning that the bond itself changes little about his life.

Tony can remember the day Loki disappeared. It was nearly eighteen months after their bonding and they found themselves throwing insults after careless words were said by one of them, neither could remember who. People tend to say that couples fight like the fuck and it’s never been truer than for Tony and Loki; it’s rough, Tony finds he ends up hoarse, there’s marks that remind them of their fury, and it sure as hell is memorable.

“Just fuck off then, Loki. Get the fuck out. I’m done,” Tony had spat, his back turned to the god in order to hide the expression upon his face. He hadn’t wanted the god to depart and his stomach had twisted when his gaze flickered over his shoulder to see the post the god once held to be empty. It’s safe to say that that night, and many after, Tony found his solace in a bottle.

Tony spent the next six months searching desperately for his mate, despising himself for the words he said and for those he didn’t say. He was left shattered, but he forced himself to gather the pieces and attempt to move forward. If he hadn’t wanted people to be aware of their relationships while Loki was present, Tony sure as hell didn’t want people to be aware that his mate had left him.

After six months of searching, Tony had been alerted that Loki had been found, making his attempt at ruling. Tony knew something was wrong, because the Loki he had bonded to loved the idea of mischief but was always appalled by the idea of causing harm. The god was one who actively opposed the idea of Stark Industries producing weaponry, causing Tony to continue to fight against the pressures of the company’s board.

When Tony had come face to face with Loki, he knew his suspicions were right. The man before him was not the one he was bonded with, he was not the one that Tony loved. He also knew, however, that no matter whether people knew the truth, Loki would be blamed for his crimes. Tony found himself desperate to offer aid to his bonded, willing to do anything in his power to achieve success.

As Tony spots Loki lingering on the balcony of the penthouse, the genius lowers himself to the landing pad and relaxes his shoulders as the suit is removed from his figure. As Tony moves in the direction of the entryway, his eyes flicker in the direction of his mate as his fingers massage the bonding mark through the material of his clothing. It burns and Tony yearns for the touch of his mate, having been deprived for so many months.

The sound of Loki’s smooth voice sends a shiver down Tony’s spine. He’s missed that sound. Tony’s banter is an attempt to stall, as Loki prompted, but it’s not an attempt to appeal to the other’s humanity. It’s an attempt for Tony to soak in the attention of his mate as he considers a means to retrieve the lost soul of the man he loves.

It is clear that Tony will get little with small talk, forcing the Omega to resort to useless threats, which lack sincerity. There’s a wrench in his gut as Tony uses a moment of Loki’s distraction for secure the metal bracelets of a suit around his wrists. He supposes it’s better to be safe than sorry.

It’s then that Tony makes a weak attempt to appeal to his mate on a moral level, despite knowing that there is very little chance it is capable of working. “This will not end in success for you, Loki.”

As Loki stalks forward, Tony is forced to steel himself. It’s been too long since he has been within contact of his mate. The Omega’s heart nearly stops as the Alpha elevates his scepter, attempting to use the power it holds to overcome the genius’ mind. Tony is capable of releasing a breath of relief at the echo of metal tapping against metal; the scepter has come into contact with the arc reactor, which prevents the transition of the power.

Tony has little time to value the surprise upon Loki’s face before he finds himself surrounded by shattering glass as he is launched from the penthouse window. Tony’s thoughts fluctuate between cursing the delay of the suit, which should have already surrounded his mortal form, and the mate, who just made an attempt upon his life. The power of the realization is enough to knock the breath out of Tony, leaving the man infuriated, because this is not his mate and he’ll be damned if he goes down without a fight.

Tony’s thoughts are consumed by Loki as the suit forms around his build, only just acknowledging his proximity to the ground when life sparks in the thrusters of the suit. Immediately, Tony uses the motion to propel himself upwards, launching himself in the direction of the penthouse.

Using the name of Phil as a means to accept the idea, Tony levels a palm in Loki’s direction before knocking the male off his feet with a pulse from the suit. The Alpha releases a groan as he collides heavily with the ground followed by the heavy collision of his head upon the penthouse. Tony is apologetic and pauses for a moment before his attention is quickly diverted to the explosion upon the roof. The portal has opened and a new threat has emerged.

The swarms of the army Loki has promised have already begun to swarm through the portal, overwhelming the one hero. It’s too great of a threat and too many civilians in harm's way. ‘What was he thinking,’ Tony inquires silently, his frustrations growing.

The energy of the suit’s thrusters flare, preparing to propel the genius upwards to allow him to intercede in the flight of the Chitauri. Tony pauses as the sound a groan from inside the penthouse, his gaze flickering towards the collapses form of his lover.

Tony pauses, the seconds crucial, and is met with the rewarding sound of his mate’s voice, however broken, “Tony? Tony, wait.” The genius expels a breath; the man who had thrown him from the window moments prior had receded, Tony hopes.

With a desperate glance around the surrounding city, Tony quickly moves forward. He has little choice, after all, it is his mate seeking his aid. Fearing the worst, Tony does not order the removal of the suit as he proceed forward to kneel beside his fallen lover.

“Loki?” Tony’s voice is tentative, extending a hand forward cautiously.

The god’s hand shifts to settle upon the Omega’s shoulder, directly over the bonding mark he had gifted Tony with. It’s how the genius is aware that the man truly has returned to the one he knows.

The ghosts upon Loki’s face alert Tony that the god is aware of the circumstances and actions he has done. “Anthony, what have I done?” The Alpha’s head shakes sadly as his gaze shifts to the window, noting the army that swarms the city. “This is not a choice I would have made. A realm of such culture should not suffer so greatly.”

“Loki, you need to help me stop this. We can convince them all this wasn’t your doing. You had no choice,” Tony pleads desperately, acknowledging the idea that they have little time to bring an end to the madness before the window closes.

Loki shakes his head, unwavering. “There is no stopping this, Anthony. What I have done can not be reversed. It is best that we leave. There are places that will be safe for us, if we leave now.”

A scoff passes Tony’s lips, the genius straightening. This isn’t what he had expected from his lover. “You want to leave? To disappear again? You may have no attachment to this planet, Loki, but I sure as hell do. I never thought you’d turn to cowardice in a trying times. So, fuck you. You’re more than welcome to take your leave, but I sure as hell intend to stick around. You stay and help or you leave, it’s up to you.” With that, Tony is lifted from his feet by the pulsers and he hurriedly makes his exit out of the shattered window and into the fray of a battle.

It is not long before Tony finds himself leading a wave of the Chitauri throughout the city. He can feel the ache in his chest and the anger simmering in the back of his mind as he thinks of the god he had abandoned in the penthouse and his concerns on whether the male has considered his ultimatum.

Tony get his answer when he hears the echo of his lover’s name over the comms, immediately prompting him to hastily question Steve on the situation. His questions are met with no direct answers, but Tony is capable of hearing the responses Steve offers in return to Loki. The threat Clint presents is nearly enough to cause Tony to pause in his case to turn to Loki’s aid, but the pulse of power through the bond is enough to drive him forward.

“Go high. Tony can use the aid from the air,” Steve commands over the comms, and Tony is not as startled as he should be at the sight of his mate upon the back of one of the creatures they are fighting. Dozens of the enemy swarm to follow in Loki’s wake, as if they are already aware of Loki’s betrayal.

With Banner’s arrival, Tony draws the attention of the masses towards the Hulk, relieved when the pressure is off of his back and creature meets its ends at the end of the Hulk’s fist.

Tony lowers himself to stand among the Avengers, relieved when he feels the pulse of his bond as Loki teleport to linger beside him. It’s a moment shared between the two as Loki’s palm shifts to rest against Tony’s shoulder, atop of the iron suit. It’s a sign of possession to Tony, and if he weren’t restricted by the suit, Tony’s fingers would happily return the gesture. They’re in this together.

From there, the attempts are desperate, all of the Avengers putting for the maximum effort to offer the city salvation.When Tony finds himself collapsing upon the concrete, a pulse from his bond is enough to cause him to rise and continue his fight. Tony is aware of Loki’s aid in each of his movements, anticipating on the Alpha covering his back as he makes bold moves to eliminate threats around him.

Fury’s announcement is nearly enough to draw a laugh from the genius. As if Tony does not currently have enough on his hands, a missile is surely the icing on the cake.  
Tony moves hastily to intercept the missile, and elevates the mass upon his shoulders with a grunt. It takes the maximum energy Tony can muster as he bolts upwards, preparing to pass through the opening of the portal.

“Anthony, stop this madness,” Tony can hear Loki attempt to command, lacking weight as his voice quivers. For a second, the genius is startled by the god’s voice, confused as to how the god made the connection but that quickly fades. Tony despises the idea of causing Loki pain, but he acknowledges the fact that they’ll both be lifeless if he is incapable of following through. If Loki continues breathing, Tony’s willing to make the sacrifice. He’ll do anything to protect his god.

“I love you, Lo,” Tony states for the first time, uncaring if the entirety of his team hear his words. He’s got nothing to lose now.

The final sound Tony hears before his communications fail as he passes through the bounds of the portal are from his Alpha, “Anthony, please-”

There’s a pain in Tony’s chest he’s incapable of understanding and his bonding mark burns painfully before he feels nothing. Tony finds himself incapable of breathing as the suit restricts and yet he still forces himself further, away from the opening of the portal.

The final sight Tony sees before his vision darkens and he caves into the sea of blackness, is the explosion of the origin point of the Chitauri. It’s a relief, maybe Tony has done some good in his life to erase some of the blood that he has shed.

Tony is draw awake by a harsh, violent echo, and finds himself gasping for a breath. His body aches and he finds himself physically and mentally exhausted. Tony shifts to find a position that does not cause greater pain when he hears the sound a sob beside his ear.

“Anthony,” Loki breathes, a soft sob passing his lips as his head bows to press his forehead against the cheek of his mate.

“Lo,” Tony mutters, his expression shifting in pain as an ironclad hand shifts to cradle the back of the god’s head. That’s right, he nearly died, Tony chides himself.

“How stupid you are for a genius, Anthony Stark. By the Norns, I would travel to Hel and back to have you returned to me, do you understand? You are not to leave me after that. How dare you try to leave after expressing your love for me?” The words are ground out by the god, who is struggling to maintain composure.

“I said that, huh?” Tony questions, an attempt to lessen the tense air.

Loki releases an unimpressed laugh, muttering, “You infuriating mortal.” His lips are pressed lightly against Tony’s for the barest of moments before the words ghost across Tony’s lips, “There is love in my heart for you, Tony Stark. Please do not leave it broken.”

**Author's Note:**

>   
>  BONDED PAIRS:  
> I tried to explain it in the fic, but if you got lost here it is. Bonded pairs have a connection, it allows for weak sharing of emotions if the bonded focuses on them. Distance can cause physical pain as touch is important for the bond. When a bond is first established, it causes a swell of power. Mates can calm one another by using the bonding mark as an anchor.  
> This is the longest piece I have ever written, I think it took me nearly two weeks to write. I apologize profusely if that affects this work. The bulk of my time writing this was at 1am, big shocker, so sometimes it seems like there are parts in here that make very little sense. Lord help me.  
> As I said up top, there are scenes and lines in this that I pulled from the films, I do not own those lines nor do I claim to. They just boosted my story, so I am citing here that the lines you recognize are from the films.  
> I've never written smut before and, as a neigh lesbian, I really have no clue how dicks work. Sorry not sorry. I hope nobody suffers greatly while reading that.  
> I hope you enjoyed. As always, constructive criticism is always welcome as I wish to improve my writing.  
> xo


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